We at The Rubber Chicken have long considered the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon a few edits and a laugh track away from being the perfect sitcom.  Even the voice actors openly recognise villains Krang and Shredder as the classic bickering married couple.  Now if only somebody would get rid of those pesky turtles, we could finally enjoy TMNT as the romantic adventure-comedy it was clearly destined to be.

We have the technology.

If you enjoyed this video, be sure to check out some of our previous TMNT posts, including an illustrated tribute to Krang, the Turtles’ victory over Global Warming, or a warts-and-all look at their scandallous private lives.

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The final chapter of Poetry Night, Chad’s serialised abuse of the “Open Mic” concept.

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When we last left our heroes, their spacecraft was proportionately high on danger and low on mathematical aides.

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The recipe for a good episode of television is a tricky one to define, until by the purest chance, we happened across it on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season Four DVD. (Guess it had to be somewhere, right?) Now we have experienced the dizzying heights of octogenarian supervillains, environmentally aware turtles and scantily-clad April O’Neils, every other show has been exposed for the hollow sham it really is.

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The sun. Giver of life. Melter of ice creams. An all-around top-notch ball of incandescent gas. Yet behind that orb of brightness dwells a past of darkness. Of all the alleged scientific “facts”, none satisfactorily explain its motivation. Neither you nor I would choose to burn hundreds of millions of tonnes of hydrogen each second without a good reason. Why would the average star bother?

Why, in the name of Mighty Odin, does the sun shine?

To uncover the truth, we turned to the only power greater than our mighty solar benefactor: celebrities.

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Alastair: To appease you, the hungry masses, between episodes of Our Excellent Podcast, we asked Emmy-winning filmmaker Chad McCanna if we might kindly raid the vaults for this gem. He politely nodded.

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Oftentimes, we wonder: what aren’t they showing us on the television? When we see American troops marching triumphantly through some deserted part of Iraq that isn’t actually of strategic importance, where is the TRUTH being hidden?

No doubt you often think along the same lines when considering the 1990’s Ninja Turtles cartoon.

Well, fret no more, spawnlings. The truth is finally out.

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“Panda Three to Control – I’ve just spotted a silver hovercraft
being chased by an old crock at 90mph, and there’s a little tiny helicopter after ‘em both! I’m in pursuit! Over.”

Planet of the Spiders (Part Two)
Written by Robert Sloman & Barry Letts
Starring John Pertwee & Elisabeth Sladen
And introducing Stuart Fell as “Tramp Under Hovercraft”

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So I left it a little late. So what? It’s not like anyone’s even remotely interested in Street Sharks anyway. Trust me on this. There are literally NO fan sites of any kind about this mediocre 90s kids’ show which was a blatant rip-off of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know this because of my extensive twenty second search on Google.  (Please don’t find me some obscure Street Sharks website to prove me wrong.  I really don’t care.)

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An exclusive excerpt from the Captain Planet Annual 1993
(Printed on RECYCLED PAPER!)
Generously donated by Mister Bung

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