We at The Rubber Chicken have long considered the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon a few edits and a laugh track away from being the perfect sitcom.  Even the voice actors openly recognise villains Krang and Shredder as the classic bickering married couple.  Now if only somebody would get rid of those pesky turtles, we could finally enjoy TMNT as the romantic adventure-comedy it was clearly destined to be.

We have the technology.

If you enjoyed this video, be sure to check out some of our previous TMNT posts, including an illustrated tribute to Krang, the Turtles’ victory over Global Warming, or a warts-and-all look at their scandallous private lives.

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A dramatic and COMPLETELY TRUE 5-minute re-enactment of the day ThatChickenSite.com died.

Written by
Tim Morrison and Andrey Summers

Produced by
Alastair Craig

Also Starring
Michael Cope, Fiona Revill and Alastair’s Mum

Directly Download MP3

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In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?

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