THE BOXING DAY GAME
To celebrate Boxing Day we’ve designed a fantastic new game for you and your friends to play! It’s called BOX! and here’s how to play:
- Get a box. It can be cardboard, plastic, humus or otherwise.
- Congratulations! You’ve just won the game!
This game can be played with up to 16 people, even the elderly. So get out there and box someone today!
Also, a shiny new feature!
Mister Bung: Boxing Day. The day after Christmas where retail stores prep for sales, people realize they ate their own body weight in food the day before and others begin working out which of the shoddy presents they can return for cash.
But where did it come from? Why boxes? Why a day? Today, we delve into the ancient mysteries of the most mysterious of all days –
According to stone tablets unearthed in Egypt, Boxing Day is thought to originally be the day after Christmas when people put the presents they didn’t want in boxes and gave them back. These tablets, discovered by renowned archeologist Hubert Edward (jokingly referred to as the man with two first names until he would get angry and storm out) depicted a present giving ceremony under a tree decorated with cats, as cats were very important to the ancient Egyptians. The tablets told the story of presents being put aside while the people celebrated and then, after the sun had set and risen once more, the presents were re-packaged and given back, often causing arguments and fisticuffs. Some believe this may have been what caused the downfall of the Egyptian empire. Others think the whole thing is sillybuggers.
These tablets are currently on display at the London Museum in the Medieval section (as book keeping there has been a little lax as of late, but I’m assured it’ll be resolved soon).
Other ‘scientists’ speculate that Boxing Day is so called because it was originally used by the Norse Vikings as a form of psychological torture. Throughout the year the Viking warriors would set out to rape, pillage and raze neighbouring civilizations, often taking souvenirs like mugs, shirts and people. But since conquering your home and murdering your family often results in a measure of resignation or annoyance, the Norse kept one special day of the year aside to deal with these pesky prisoners.
Yes, that’s right, Boxing Day. It’s said that on Boxing Day the Norse would herd any uncooperative prisoners into a small box hut with one large, unbreakable window. Then, they would set up tables around the box and lay out a magnificent feast. The Norse would then take their places and enjoy their feast while the prisoners would be forced to watch, starved, cramped and smelly.
After a week or so of the box, the prisoners are let out and are said to have been completely subservient from then on. A brutal yet effective technique for sure and one still used today by many governments and interested hobbyists.
While both of these theories seem to fit the mysterious purpose of Boxing Day, recent photos from the surface of Mars have revealed another chapter in the mystifying Boxing Day mystery baffling.
The Face of Mars is a famous set of photos depicting what seems to be a carved out face on the surface of the planet. Many distinguished nut bags point to this as evidence that aliens exist and therefore their UFO paraphernalia and virginity are well justified. Most credible sources believe it’s merely the human brains facial recognition software vying for attention and creating faces out of nonsense shapes, and that a mountain face photo can be replicated many times over using untouched mountains here on earth.
But that’s beside the point. New photos of the surface taken by the Viking satellite (perhaps a nod to the Norse Boxing Day traditions?) revealed a series of ‘box shaped’ monoliths on the surface.
Does this mean Boxing Day was given to us by interstellar visitors? Is Boxing Day the day we were deposited on this planet by our alien ancestors? Why did they even bother with that season of X-Files without Mulder and Scully? Is Boxing Day what really crashed at Roswell? Are we ever going to know the truth?
The answers are: No, No, I don’t know but they were stupid for doing it, No and Probably not.
So there you go, Boxing Day is still a mystery as ancient as the pyramids and as furry as Bigfoot. We may never unlock its secrets but we still enjoy the day on which we have boxes, even if they are a baffling, mystifying mystery enigma puzzle.
Mister Bung enjoys Christmas Time, as it gives him a chance to really let out any pent up frustration on the orphans and homeless.