A recap of the Arctic White Campaign, The Rubber Chicken’s month-long crusade to rig a breakfast cereal election.
As you are no doubt aware, the Australian division of Kellogg’s Cereal let us, Froot Loop eating public, choose the new colour to join the green, orange, red and yellow we all know and love. Always the equal opportunity campaigners, we began a movement to elect the least likely candidate: Arctic White. For every day of the last month, The Rubber Chicken’s readers and writers have been casting multiple votes for this wonderfully mundane colour hundreds of times over.
Sadly, but not surprisingly, Kellogg’s couldn’t handle the results. Today, the false glory is heaped upon Sky Blue.
With this outright robbery of our democratic rights, our dreams are shattered. Shattered like glass. Glass under an elephant’s foot. The foot of the elephant of manipulative multinational cereal companies. An elephant which has eaten peanuts. The peanuts of rigged election results. Grown in a peanut farm of LIES!
This is yet another example of The Authorities manipulating democracy to conceal The Truth from the masses. A white Froot Loop would be extremely difficult to see when milk is added. Practically invisible, as it were. Logically, were one to construct an entire suit from Arctic White Froot Loops, then add milk, would they themselves not become completely invisible?
The Establishment knows this. If sinisterness were a small newt, this conspiracy would almost certainly start with ‘n’ and end with ‘e’, ‘w’, and ‘t’. It’s that sinister, people.
Fellow citizens, we cannot let this injustice continue. If you, too, wish to FIGHT THE POWER!!!, please let Kellogg’s know on no uncertain terms what you think.
Kellogg’s, you have disappointed us. All we wanted to do was have Arctic White Froot Loops and make a suit made of milk and said Arctic White Froot Loops for us to be invisible in. But thanks to you, Kelloggs, we, The Children, shall never realise that dream.
Plus, you’ve set back Industrial Espionage at least thirty years.