Part two of Get Carter, Ben’s expose on the little-seen tenth season of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series.
Thought you’d seen the last of Season Ten and its horrible gaping plot holes, continuity errors and general rape of the series? It’s not over yet! And no, there’s still no sign of Shredder OR Krang. Here’s a pearl of Krang wisdom to tide you over.
It’s like a shot of Morphine, isn’t it?
Back at Dregg’s spaceship, hillariously titled ‘The Dreggnought’, we see Dregg explaining his latest evil plot to Mung – although, let’s face it, he’s really explaining it to the audience that hasn’t already left. First off, Dregg quickly covers up that his last plan was a failure with this brilliant adlib:
Mung: Forgive me Lord Dregg, I have failed you…
Dregg: On the contrary, everything went exactly as intended!
Smooth talker indeed. This latest scheme requires Mutanite, a rare mineral which can only be found in Dimension X. Naturally, Dregg can’t get any Mutanite (I’m sure they’re just making it up as they go), which he plans to use to “mutate the Turtles out of existance”. So he does what any poor substitute villain would do – replaces Mutanite with Plutonium. He’s also a sook – he picks up poor (possibly) defenceless Mung and shakes him about, all the while shouting “I NEED MUTANITE OR MY PLAN WON’T WORK!”. Well, obviously. I could have told you that, and I don’t even know what the stuff is.
Leonardo’s mutated again and headed back to the city for another rampage. Could you see that coming? I know I certainly couldn’t. Seriously, have the Turtles ever considered sedation if they know that they mutate under stress? Obviously not. Nonetheless, everyone heads off to the city, with Carter riding his motorbike. Didn’t Poochy have a motorbike too? Anyway, their chase takes them underneath a hockey stadium, where Super Mutant Carter and Leonardo spend their time grunting and fighting, although not actually doing anything. At this point, it’s probably worth noting that although Leo can’t really control when he mutates, and he goes completely out of control when he does, Carter seems to be able to turn it on and off like a light switch, and comes off as a Gentle Giant.
Leo and Carter make their way THROUGH the floor of the ice rink, to the actual stadium. Leo causes uncontrollable carnage, left, right and centre. The other three Turtles just seem to mill about, hoping that things will work out for the best. In the meantime, Mutant Carter holds up a collapsing spectator stand so that people have time to escape. He’s my hero. He then lands on the ice, exhausted, and transforms back to normal, conveniently having his clothes materialize back as well. Quite a handy feature.
Meanwhile, back at April’s apartment, we see April hard at work. April now works as a freelance reporter, and does all of her research on the Internet. As you can see, we know that it’s the Internet because it says “INTERNET” in big bold letters on her PC monitor. I can’t think of an Internet porn joke right now, so let’s move on. April’s using the net to track the movements of a car jacker called Otto Wrecker (HO HO HO!). She’s planning to camp out in the next car he jacks, and track down where he goes. She’s really quite resourceful like that. Unfortunately, it all goes wrong, and although she’s driven straight to Otto’s Warehouse, Dregg smashes his ship in and takes command. Naturally, everyone runs, screaming in comically high-pitched voices.
The Turtles track down Leonardo to a Railway bridge, but unfortunately, Dregg appears just above them and kidnaps Leo. The bridge is also smashed during the brawl, causing a dilemma! Should they follow Leo, or stop the train?? Realising that there’s more than one of them, they brilliantly decide to split up. Donatello stows away on the Dreggnought (REAL useful, Donatello), and Mike, Raph and Carter stay back to stop the train. Mike and Raph can’t activate the track switch, so the train heads straight for Carter. In the nick of time, Carter transforms and holds the two pieces of track straight so the train can DRIVE OVER THEM!! Never mind the fact that if he really did that his fingers would get sliced off because it’s physically impossible. The trio then head off to track down Donatello and Leonardo.
Mung and Dregg line up their Plutonium ray, and in one of the few instances of a cartoon laser actually making contact with a character, they actually manage to hit him. But only because he’s not a moving target, is trapped in a cage, and is at point blank range. Strangely, Leo is turned back to normal, and everyone is confused. Leo asks for Dregg to let April go, which he does. One of the most disturbing, and yet strangely alluring scenes in the show follows. Dregg glides over to April, and holds her in a firm, yet disturbingly tender way. He then giggles as he says he would only let her go – not let her escape. Then he tells Mung to get the Microbots to make April into a cyborg. In the nick of time (geez, it happens a lot, doesn’t it?), the Turtles arrive, and save April. Dregg chuckles some more, and informs them that Leonardo is now a walking atom bomb. As if on cue, Leo transforms and begins to rampage – Carter fights him, but is swatted aside like Baxter Stockman. Dregg and Mung flee in the chaos, and Leo kidnaps April and heads to the city.
From here on, it all quickly spirals into madness. Donatello and Carter figure out a way to save Leo, and here it is, word for word:
Donatello: If we can get the chemicals Dregg used on Leonardo…
Carter: …we can defuse him and possibly stabalise his mutation!
OF COURSE! IT’S ALL SO SIMPLE!
For some reason, Donatello asks nicely for a garbage truck and gets one. Donatello and Carter use it to rescue April and trap Leonardo to take him back to the lair. One the other side of the coin, Raphael and Michaelangelo are about to enter one of the most bizzare scenes in the entire cartoon. They use a Turtle Grapple to hook onto Dregg’s ship and make their way in to steal chemicals for some reason. They do so, and begin to climb down the rope. From here, I’m not going to explain it to you just yet. Just watch it and see if you can make sense of it:
Right, got that? Let’s recap:
Dregg shouts out “YOU WON’T GET AWAY, TURTLES!”
Dregg BEGINS SHOOTING AT THEM while they are hanging from a rope.
The rope gets burnt off and the Turtles plummet away.
The rest of the rope acts like a fuse, quickly burning towards the ship.
Dregg shouts “NEEEEEOOOOOOOOO!!!!” as the rope finishes burning and plumes of smoke suddenly appear.
The SHIP EXPLODES, pausing briefly to crash on the horizon.
The turtles have conveniently PULLED A PARACHUTE FROM NOWHERE and are floating to safety.
BUH? Anyway, Leonardo is saved and turns back to normal. Splinter spouts some reflective gibberish. Mung is watching them all from a communicator, and exclaims that “The mutated one is back to normal!”. Dregg chuckles as usual, and makes some vague remark about something. I don’t know, I’m still confused about the rope ACTING LIKE A FUSE.
Anyway, I wouldn’t expect you to tolerate all of that without some kind of reward. Here are some sound clips!
“Stormy seas grow calm when the wind stops blowing.”
“The same notes played another way make beautiful music.”
“The happy butterfly does not spend its time dreaming of caterpillars.”
“It is not your mutation that makes you special, Carter – it is YOU who makes your mutation special.”
The Season 10 Theme – listen for the falsetto!
Dregg DEMANDS Mutinite, like the whiny sook he is.
Mung DEMANDS an entire supply of Plutonium.
April’s side-splitting reaction to the news that she’s going to be a cyborg.
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