The Rubber Chicken > Letters & Words

Five Scientific Reasons Why Disaster Movie is Great
And they said science couldn't work miracles.

Undead Studies 307
So you've made an abomination against nature. Congratulations! Open your textbooks to page 666.

Confessions of a Pop Cannibal: Deconstructing Britney's Piece of Me
All you'll ever need to know about Britney's classic anthem of underage drinking, 19th century novelists and the consumption of human flesh.

Crisis Averted: Curing the Common Climate Change
How to put Al Gore out of a job (again) in five simple steps.

Baker Street: Sherlock Holmes Re-Imagined
This screenplay excerpt serves as a dire warning of things to come, should other franchises follow Casino Royale into grim Jason Bourne territory.

Shredder's Mom Has Got It Goin' On
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles take on global warming, a geriatric supervillain and an agreeably underdressed April O'Neil.

Was the Manhattan monster attack an elaborate US government conspiracy? The evidence JJ Abrams doesn't want you to see.

Shame On You: TRC's Horrifying Search String Database
Apparently, you're only here for the tiny panties.

Celebrity Burning Question: The Mystery of Earth's Yellow Sun
Why does the sun shine? Our favourite celebrities and dubious psychics have the answer.

The Candid Turtle
A look into the private lives of America's true heroes: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

SexChat with the Formless Underlord of the Crimson Kingdom (April 2006)
The Formless Underlord confronts herpes, fan mail.

Snip, Trim, Dye: The Acid Trip That Is NanaOn-Sha
Don't worry if you go to hell. You can get back via fax machine.

That Doctor Who Episode with the Hovercraft Chase: A Retrospective
Britain's favourite Science Fiction show ever collides with the world's favourite loveably baffling vehicle!

Dubious Compliments
"I didn't read it, but I enjoyed the font immensely."

Entrance Requirements for the UBC Film Program
Enrollment is just a compromising photo away!

Game Review: *NSYNC Hotline
Because true art deserves relentless scrutiny.

The Ever-JAWSOME, Ever-FORGETTABLE Street Sharks
In which Ben tries to justify spending real, human money on the poor man's Biker Mice from Mars.

Captain Planet & The Lake of Fear: A Panel-By-Panel Analysis
An annotated four page comic salvaged from that great literary masterpiece, the Captain Planet Annual 1993.

Poll Dancing: The Rebirth of the TRC Poll
When it comes to self-depreciation, we are astonishingly awesome.

John Rhys-Davies in Star Wars Episode III: A Grievous Media Hoax
Why bother spreading a lie to hundreds of thousdands of science fiction fans when the media will do the hard work for you?

Cinema's Greatest Ripoffs
Nonsense. Hollywood is full of nothing but creative, constantly unique pieces of stunning media, and I won't hear a word against it.

Celebrity Burning Question: The Mystery of the Latitude and/or Longditude of Sesame Street
The theme song asks the question. Only famous people can give the answer.

SexChat with the Formless Underlord of the Crimson Kingdom (February 2006)
The Dark One takes on the delicate issues of furryism, sexually transmitted infections and Johnny Cash.

Stream of Consciousness
The meaning of life, circa 4am.

When Harry Met Sally: An Archetypical Title For A Story In Which People Meet Each Other, In This Case Andrey & Alastair
Two Rubber Chicken writers tell the tale of their first meeting, jettisoning truth and accuracy for the unnecessary burdens they are.

Chad Surname is the Man for You!
Bringing the world's sexy redheads one step closer to Chad's ...well, you know. Um.

Boxing Day: A Bafflingly Mysterious Enigma Puzzle
Boxing Day. Public holiday? Excuse to beat up innocents? Twenty-four hours exclusively dedicated to cardboard manufacture? Answers inside.

SexChat with the Formless Underlord of the Crimson Kingdom (December 2005)
The guardian of the fiery depths is standing by to solve your relationsip problems!

Star Wars Episode III: The Short Film Version
George Lucas would be rolling in his grave if he were dead.

Why Bus Drivers Should Stop Wearing Reindeer Antlers on their Heads
More blunt-cutting-edge social commentary from The Rubber Chicken.

Movie Review: The PASSION of THE CHRIST
Chad books his ticket to the afterlife.

Insecks & Urachnids
Sit back as the finest minds of American public school teach you about arthropods.

Movie Review: Disney's Brother Bear
Walt, why have you forsaken us?

An Annotated Essay
Andrey and Alastair discover, and subsequently lose, the power of teamwork.

Krang: A Tribute
If you've ever thought "This useless body is holding back my glorious brain's enslavement of humanity!", then you may in fact have an alien brain, and should possibly be euthanized.

Review: Growing Pains Trading Cards
I haven't seen it, but I think it's the one with the Daleks sharing the apartment in the Korean War.

Get Carter: TMNT's Own Poochy the Dog
A two-part special detailing two episodes featuring the world's first dreadlocked non-green, non-amphibious Ninja Turtle.

Ten Reasons Why Tim Curry is Awesome
It was this or Frankenfurter fanfiction.

I Think, Therefore I Am: The Official Biography of Friedrich Nietzsche
Guaranteed to get you a few sympathy marks on your history essay.

Celebrity Burning Question: The Mystery of the Bird/Bee Relationships
The song might tell you about them, but what do the birds and the bees really do?

Historical Afterthoughts
Adolf, your painting skills are inadequate. Have you considered a different career?

Solving Mysteries a VAN!
Bludgeoning competent narrative to death, then solving the crime.

Hassling People Of Importance
The embarrassingly dated pseudo-pranks of our carefree adolescence.

Celebrity Burning Question: The Mystery of the Grimace
Famous people explain what the scholars cannot: what the hell is Ronald McDonald's jolly purple friend?

  • Podcast Episode 206: TRC's Candid St. Crispin's Day Jamboree
  • Podisode #5: Topical Humor
  • Movie: The Business of Evil
  • The Mx Letters Page: A Tribute
  • Movie: Birthday Smear
  • Podisode #4: Clap: A Documentary

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