The Chicken Feed

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Mailbag: A Man Named Clive

Posted on October 12th, 2004 by Ben K

This edition is dedicated to the cast of popular Australian Sitcom “Hey, Dad!”

For giving us an excuse to go outside between 1986 – 1994.

What the hell is this!? I had no idea you guys carried on after my last correspondence. I hope you aren’t taking the piss; I don’t want to have to get any lawyers involved, but believe me, I will if I have to. Please add a warning to the above link saying that it is only in jest, and not intended to be offensive etc. or I will pursue more persuasive avenues.

I have two X-tags now, by the way, so if you want to talk to me in person you know precisely where to reach me, and you have a good chance of my being online. I’m more than likely to be on there during the day, as I work a night shift, so bear that in mind. (Maybe I can frag your asses over some Pandora Tomorrow while you apologise? :-))

Lee Thomas

Aussie Ben: “Taking the piss”? Americans don’t talk like that! They don’t even know what that phrase means, unless you explain it slowly and clearly. And even then, you still get some awkward looks. You sir, are clearly an imposter. You’re not Lé Tomas – YOU’RE A GIANT CHICKEN!

Bungholio: Where to start, where to start. First, you’re a moron, I just want to clear that up straight away. Secondly, you’re obviously a lonely person with limited social skills, which is why there’s a ‘good chance of you being online’.
Third, if I want to take piss, I will. I have the apparatus, transport and storage so it’s my decision. Fourth, I would appriciate it if you didn’t do anything to my ass.

Where can I find a Chad cardboard cutout, like the one you took on your magical vacation to Movie world? Such a variety of poses! It will most certainly help in distracting burglars while I set up numerous elaborate and painful traps when I’ve been accidentally left home through a series of hi-jinks during christmas!

Also, once I almost saw a brown fire hydrant, but there was a fat lady in the way.

-Brown, quite drunk.

Aussie Ben: I always KNEW Chad had a ‘wooden’ personality. No, wait. THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. As for the fire hydrant, I honestly thought that the animatronic Batman with leprosy was much funnier. Sadly, that picture didn’t come out. And no, I’m not kidding about Batman.

Bungholio: It broke down last time I was there, and the attendants didn’t know what to do. One kid started crying when they got Batman moving again though. Week-old corpses have better range of movement.

Spacecow: There are lots of brown fire hydrants in New Hampshire. And yellow and white ones too. It’s like a wonderful rainbow of joy. And fire hydrants.

dearest karl, we from the physically impared would like to see alot more of your humourous animations, esp. ones involving disfigured animals
thank ye kindly
-CLIVENME

Galder Weatherwax’s Hat: When you say that you’re “from the physically impared”, do you mean that your parents are wheelchair-bound? And if so, how may I obtain a videotape of them having sex?

Glancy: Originally I was just gonna ignore this letter but when I found out it was from a man named Clive I had to say something, no matter how pointless.
So I did.

Your Brisbane/Movie Land article made me chuckle tons. Thank you. Please don’t ever stop.

Regards,

Ceepee

Aussie Ben: Too late, we now have no more funny content at all, and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT. I blame those disturbing Reese’s Pieces things that they have in America. No candy name should rhyme that well.

Andrey: Before one stops, one logically has to start. Which is why I do as little of that as possible. If you don’t believe me, just scan this site for Anything Ever Written By Me. I work here the same way Arnie governs California.

Chad: Name recognition?

Hi,

I think your website is great! I like Jar Jar and his Gungan kind and could careless what other people think! I think that Mr. Lucas ‘wimped out’ on the Attack of the Clones. I bet that he originaly had Jar Jar playing a bit more important role in Clones. But went with `popular opinion’rather than sticking with his original plans. I wouldn`t be surprised if Jar Jar isn`t killed off after somhow redeeming himself for putting Palpatine in such a position of power. (If Jar Jar in Episode 3 at all!) Oh well, I’ll shut up now! I’m finished venting my Gungan frustrations now! Star Wars and Gungan fan!

Thanks from TARPALSFAN.
(Yes,he’s a Gungan too!)

Aussie Ben: I think it’s absolutely tragic that people like you exist.
Oh sorry, wrong text. Here we are:

I think it’s absolutely tragic that people like you exist. Wow – guess it was the right text after all.

You are a disgrace to webdesign.
Although, i do agree with your cause…

Aussie Ben: The scary thing is that multiple people actually read those Jar-Jar poems.

Chad: I read one aloud at an open-mic gothic poetry meeting. I made some friends that night, let me tell you!

I think we’d all agree that your hair(HB) is far superior to that of your brother. I wish I had that kind of loft. What conditioner do you use?

Also, the fact that you were actually able to find the phrase “steak and mushroom pie” in your wanderings is a source of continual dampness for me.

Aussie Ben: Conversation literally went like this: “Hah! A bakery! Let’s go check if they have Steak and Mushroom Pies on the board and take a picture of it!”
*childish giggling*
“OKAY!!!”

HappyBob: HappyBob Hair isn’t something you can grow overnight. The best way to have HappyBob hair is to be HappyBob. Sadly, this position is already taken, and you can’t have it, so please stop asking. The next best option is to be like me. Step one: avoid hairdressers at all costs. This shouldn’t be a problem, as anybody with fashion sense will physically cringe and step aside as you pass them in crowded areas. HappyBob Hair cannot stay brushed, so don’t bother trying. Shampoo, conditioner or other hair care products will only present a distraction, and must likewise be avoided. Any idiot can mess up his hair. It takes true devotion to have it jumble into chaos on its own.

Or you could just kill me and steal my scalp. Whatever suits you.

Chad: He set his hair from stun to KILL.

Hi there you amazing writers of intellect. I just wanted to thank you all for contributing to the community. I believe I speak for all mankind when I say…you are history makers.

Spacecow: Surely when you say “all” you’re not speaking to me. Have you read my material?

Andrey: Me, I always thought history was more of a naturally-occuring thing, like plate tectonics, or Kool-Aid. The last person I can think of who had history actually “made” was Adolf Hitler, and he wasn’t a very nice man at all. Not even at parties.

Chad pulls off a coup. Among other things. Plus I found this really great site today. Oh yeah, it was this one. Nevermind.

Bungholio: Yes it’s true, Chad pulled off a coup. He is now king of Samoa.

Go on, give us some more tomfoolery. Please.

Aussie Ben: If they still showed ‘The Tomfoolery Show’, I’d tell you to go watch that. Pity the only thing tomfooler..ish about it was the introduction.

Bungholio: We’re only human you know, we cant just go on FOREVER. That, and we’re all real lazy.

jhglggjlhg oieu[ej [j oieh[ ioe ]h

Translated means:

Damn funny cartoon. You’ve all done yourself proud. Now go away and let me get changed in peace will you…

Andrew “N64Play” Mills

Andrey: jkhljkhkk[ kjhk] jkhjk[[ jhk][hkj, if you catch my drift.

Que eu mais gosto do Donkey Kong 3 o mapa Northerd Kremisphere e os outros cenarios e a Musica que eu mais gosto è da caverna de cristais coloridos,map principal e o Krematoa.

Aussie Ben: I'll never escape from these bloody Donkey Kong Country questions now, will I?

Bungholio: This is why I don't like foreign people.

Your prank phonecall feature wasn't very entertaining. just as a tip, generally prank phone calls are funnier when someone picks up. "Prank messages" are kinda lame.

Aussie Ben: Tell you what, give us YOUR phone number, and we'll call you about a disfiguring sexual disease. Trust me, it's freaking hilarious.

Bungholio: Can you imagine actually getting that on your machine though? I mean, come ON.

Andrey: Machine pranks are still better than when you call somebody in all seriousness and ask if their fridge is running, because you work for the Refrigiration Maintanance Board, and have half the country hang up on you. Let me tell you, junior.

That was the worst thing I've ever heard in my life.

Spacecow: The worst thing I've ever heard was my dog vomiting up a stick of butter he had somehow gotten hold of. Don't say prank phone calls are bad until you listen to a dog barf up a stick of butter, lemme tell ya.

why did I click hear the prank call when I have no headphones or speakers

Aussie Ben: Probably for the same reason that you have that fixation with Gene Wilder.

Andrey: Because obviously you want to get as much use out of your mouse as possible, before They come for it, too.

I LIKE ICECREAM A WHOLE LOT.
IT TASTES GOOD WHEN DAYS ARE HOT.
ON A CONE OR IN A DISH
THIS WOULD BE MY ONLY WISH.
VANILLA, CHOCOLATE, ROCKYROAD-
IN A PIE OR ON ITS OWN.

Chad: the icecream drips.
drip drip drip drip drip.
onto the linen bathroom floor
one last lick, take i.
the taste of fleeting life
in this frozen prizon of ice
one cut, and my red life
mixes on the floor below.
undulations in the night.

The Somy GameConsole 4 vs. The Microtendo Gamebox

Gameplay
The GameConsole has marginal gameplay, with titles such as "Dust the Shelves 2: Return of the Bunny" and "Squirt the Daisies."

The Gamebox's gameplay is incredibly realistic with sharp (literally) graphics taking the wheel. The downside: Polygons.

Graphics
The Somy GameConsole 4 has a realistic 32-bit graphics system, which is incredible compared to Somy's previous consoles, such as Somy 1, which had 2-bit graphics. Which is worse than the original Pac-Man.

The Microtendo Gamebox has state-of the art polygonic graphics, making life an incredible joyride of hell, just waiting to be poked by a stray sharp edge.

Sound
The GameConsole's sound is unmatched, with the incredible sound the daisies make as you squirt them. The sound of pouring water followed by the inevitable *ploosh* is really extraordinary.

The Gamebox has some of the worst sound available. Imagine the sound a fetal pig makes. Horrible, yes? Double it. That's how bad it is.

Overall
The GameConsole has bad graphics, bad gameplay, and great sound, making it a bad console. "Squirt the Daisies" is a great game, though.

The Gamebox has marginal graphics, marginal gameplay, and bad sound. Overall, you'd be better off with nothing.

Tha Winnah: Neither. They both royally suck. Arse, I might add.

~Insomnia Hedgehog

Bungholio: Is that a reader review? You need to label these things when you send them. It makes it easier to delete.

Dear Bobert,

I read your article about mullets and I must say I was thoroughly amused.

I have just one question for you, would I be elected as the next Prime Minister of Australia if I grew a mullet? Keep in mind that I'm skinny, have tons of freckles, and am just generally funny looking.

Sincerely, David McIlvaney

P.S. Do you remember that ebay auction where the seller was selling the blank piece of computer paper? Well, regardless of whether you remember it or not, it sold for $1.55 USD. I was wondering, could you loan me $1.00, I'll use it to buy computer paper and you shall be repaid with a 5 cent commission/blank piece of paper sold.

Bungholio: It wasn't as good as the man who sold a kettle, and the picture of said kettle HAD A REFLECTION OF HIS NAKED BODY!!! Oh what a cheeky scamp!

Great site. Unfortunately flash banners are evil. My browser supports flash, and works with basically every flash thing around - why not your site? You must have used diffent code to implement it.

Anyway, flash is evil in whatever form. Move to a png or gif.

Thank you.

Chad:I agree that it's impractical, but damn if it isn't fun resizing the page and watching the title bar shrink IN REAL TIME

Could TRC please get an RSS feed? It would help many readers. Thanks and goodnight.

Aussie Ben: No, but I CAN get you a fabulous knitted vomit yellow sweater -- hardly used. Interested?

Bungholio: I have a XXX feed here, but I'm not sure that's appropriate.

Chad: I'd LI if TRC got RSS with BET in the SD so WGA can SMD all night.

Spacecow: Q: What's even worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.

Dear TRC,
Stop using my picture or I'll sue,
From,
Magyver
(and I'm not even joking)

Aussie Ben: Dear Magyver,
Enclosed is a green button, a length of wire and test tube full of urine.
Let's see you make a decent court case from THAT.

Bungholio: That man is a FAKE! The real Macgyver would NEVER supress images of his full, manly mullet.

Andrey: Will you guys cut the crap? Can't you see he's not even joking? Not even!

No, that was no afterlife, that was a poorly laundered sheet.

Aussie Ben: Well, that would certainly explain why I still needed to breathe.

Hey, about the Mystery of the Grimace...

I remember hearing YEARS ago that he is supposed to be a "tastebud".

Yep.

Chris

Aussie Ben: I went up to the lady who took my order at McDonalds once, and asked her what part of the menu The Grimace represented. A quick glance at the menu, and I got the answer "Thickshake".

Bungholio: Is it only me who's disturbed by the thought of millions of Grimace's running about on my tongue?

HappyBob: Is it only me who finds the idea appealing?

Did you say Yute? What's a Yute?

Chad: It's a typoed "Yote". It's what my furry roommate calls himself, short for Coyote.

Now please put your hands together for the lovely Shasta!

Bungholio: Ok, my hands are together, now what?

Aussie Ben: How about we all get plastered?

Have you ever tried to deep fry a steak? I'm baffled to what it would look or taste like.

Aussie Ben: In America, they have chicken-fried steak. Unless Americans fry meat in slabs of other meat (not that it would surprise me), then that is physically impossible.

Chad: You should try chicken fried chicken! It's a slab of chicken, fried in the style of chicken fried steak. The sad part is, I'm 100% serious.

Bungholio: Look, if the chinese can deep fry ice-cream, deep fried steak is nothing.

This is stoopid!

Chad: I've seen worse.

Help im looking for stuff on the old television game show KEYNOTES with the host Richard Wilkins Can u help me?

Aussie Ben: Sorry, I couldn't comprehend anything beyond the word "Help".

Bungholio: You and me both buddy. Although I do it with a flashlight and taser.

Le God damn! Sort out that Lee Thomas: A Tribute crap. You are guys are obsessed. I'm scared.

Why haven't you contacted me on XBL yet? Me and my clan reckon you're too afraid to face us! Well bring it on. We will destroy you in SC2:PT; and, then, if you don't stop with that obsessive flash nonsense, I'll destroy you in the court room.

I've been nice. I complained ages ago. You put things right. Then you lied over and over again and, though I can't be sure, I reckon you've been taking the mickey out of me - only I never bothered to check, being too nice a person to think people I don't even know would stoop to such low levels.

So stop. Put that addition I suggested in, or, who knows... your site might get a visit from some buddies of mine and their 'skills'.

Lee Thomas

PS. I am serious.

Aussie Ben: You're clearly not the real deal, either - judging by that first sentence, you're blatantly French. I hate the French. Oh well, let's humour you anyway. "Me and my clan?" Aside from the sad fact that you have to boast about beating us in an online Xbox game in a desperate attempt to coax out some kind of response, your grammar skills are severly lacking. It's clearly "My clan and I". And although I'm sure that while you'd probably beat me in a game of "Generic First Person Shooter: Unecessary Subtitle and Abbreviation", in the real world, we solve our problems in the proper way - by drinking you under the table - which I could accomplish very easily. And if I needed backup, I'd just call for Steve - you wouldn't have a chance.

PS. Of course you are.

Bungholio: I'm glad you filter your life through your 'clan' because I'm sure they're MUCH more socially adequate than you!

PS. You know people, we know people.

Craig and McQuaig...has a nice ring to it.

Bungholio: That's awfully confusing. YOU'RE HIRED.

Aussie Ben: The letter is too well punctuated. YOU'RE FIRED.

You have a conspicuous lack of Beatles content. I was too impatient to see if one can actually hear music in TRC Music, but if one can, one requires the Beatles.

Surfpossum

Aussie Ben: Yeah, well...WHY DON'T YOU MARRY THEM, THEN?

Bungholio: Oh YEAH?

If you're in the war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw on of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.-von

Bungholio: You should join the army son, they could use tacticians like you.

Spacecow: Finally, a reader who understan--wait, hold on, you ripped that from Jack Handey. You bastard.

FISH

Aussie Ben: FINGERS

Bungholio: SMELL

HappyBob: LIKE

Chad: INFIDELITY!

Did you's know you's are fricking round the bend? Oh well we need some insane-el-ery in the world or we'll all die dead.

Smebb

Bungholio: Last time we were fricking round the bend we were all arrested and charged with indecent exposure. Best night of our lives.

A long, long time ago you crazy nuts posted a wacky Playstation 3 rendering. It had all kinds of weird tings on it and there was even a fake article about it. I can't find it. It was hilarious. If you could ddirect me to were it is I would be happy.
-Landon

Bungholio: As a general rule, we try to steer clear of using tings in any of our work. You never know when the testers will turn up for a random sample.

ok there ARE ALWAYS going to be movies in New York!!! And they wont neccesarily symbolize the incidents of Sept. 11th. I think your little synopsis there is extremely far fetched. Oh yes and the fact that Home Alone 2 was produced before the terrorist attack...that pretty much validates that your theory is a load of crap. Pull the stick out of your a$$

Aussie Ben: LIES! What about "The Rescuers Down Under"? THAT wasn't in New York. I've disproved your ranting in one fell swoop. Oh, and I love it when people are too terrified to swear, so they censor themselves.

You asked in Tomfoolery which celebrities should be annoyed next. I say you go for a virtually dead one. The ones who aren't famous any more. Ask why they are losers who are now ignored. Prince would work. Dick Cheney would be hilarious, expecially for us Americans. Child stars would work too. (Think Harry Potter).
Don't you love abusing internet communication?

HappyBob: Last time I checked, 1) Prince had just made a successful comeback with his top-seller "Musicology", 2) Dick Cheney was still in office, 3) the Harry Potter franchise remained somewhat successful, 4) we preferred to celebrate the work of oddball celebrities, 5) saying that to anyone, famous or otherwise, is a just nasty.
But other than that, you raise some excellent points.  Thank you for your interest in The Rubber Chicken!

Aussie Ben: All of those people you listed are fictional.

Your historical afterthoughts and accidents feature?
bloody hilarious.

though on the one hand i admire your wits and smarts, the other hand has my finger and thumb in the shape of an L on my forehead.

you should be getting PAID for this

Bungholio: You seem to be very dextrous there my friend. Have you perhaps though of a career in surgery?

Tree surgery that is.

Your Birds/Bees article pretty much secured your site as the best on the internet, in my mind at least. Especially the intermission.

Brilliant. :-)

Aussie Ben: I'm still terrified that I managed to (relatively) logically connect Noam Chomsky to an Xbox.

HappyBob: I'm even more terrified that Dr. Gene Ray's solution was halfway legible, considering his usual mode of communication:

Educated cubeless stupid, you think stupid.
Why worship a dumb 1 day god when I
demonstrate 4 simultaneous 24 hour days
within a single 24 hour rotation of Earth?
Linear, singularity and trinity equate to
evil math within Nature's Cubic Creation

Greatest site ever, folks.

Hiya TRC,
Wow, can I just say that I think this is really great! I really appreciate a good laugh (and you cant make me stop) and this is the kinda sight I love. I am probably the queen of boredom in my English class…you should see my binder…And D. Murph is possibly the strangest teacher ever…(I’ll tell ya about the Dr. Murphy dance later.) I was first attracted to this sight when Googleing for hate harry potter images and saw Potter as Satan from your sight, and I had to check out the place called The Rubber Chicken. So THANK YOU ALL!!!! You have freed me from my eternal doom of English monotony and indifference, cause now I have a sight to check out when we have the computer lab!!! Exciting…ok so this fan is happy and gratified now.
Sincerely Brenda Gonzalez

Aussie Ben: Wait, wait - someone who realises that the Harry Potter article is a joke? What kind of twisted backwards world am I living in? Oh? Australia it is, then.

Bungholio: I was unaware that bordem had adopted monarchy, but congratulations nonetheless. Also, ease back on the sugary drinks, by hurting yourself, you're hurting us. And we're very delicate.

This message is to anyone interested in buying a lifesize Jar Jar Binks. I have had this doll for a couple years now. He is in perfect condition, he just needs a new home. If anyone is interested please e-mail me at heffaybalous@aol.com

Glancy: I bet those e-mails are just pouring in!

Bungholio: I WILL BUY THAT OFF YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW.

Do you think that creating a game about a Lamp, a dog, and a cat fighting against a hamburger possessed by a demon, a saxophone, and a Janitor with Physic abilities would make an excellent game?

-Cornelius

Aussie Ben: Why yes, my upcoming game is going to be brilliant. Although, you got one thing wrong - the saxophone has the psychic abilities, not the janitor. The janitor has a thumb shaped like a staircase.

guess what when you banned shite from the n-chicken forums you also baned an entire school from going on your website im his freind here and im formaly telling you to unblock him i like that website aswell and now i cant get on to it

Aussie Ben: That's a matter you'd have to take up with your school, I'm afraid. Once we ban someone, it gets locked permanently. But don't worry, I'm sure that once you "formally tell" that your friend (who named himself "shite") pointlessly and repeatedly spammed our message boards, they'll be more than happy to correct the error.

Ettin: Banned a school from going on the WEBSITE?! Dear me. Don't you have a computer of your own?

Seriously though, what you need to do is go down to the local hardware store, buy a 2x4 plank of wood, go to school, and hit the computers with it. Then huddle up under a desk and wait for them to work.

Bungholio: Spider sense....TINGLING! You can tell your 'friend' that he's ruined it for everyone. A good solid beating every morning for a week should do it.

Note - Please don't. Or, if you do, blame the Church.

I remember Timmy the Tooth! But nothing else. Hilarious antics, or somesuch. I remember nothing else about the movie, rather.

~rastartatum

HappyBob: Indeed.

In your almost but not entirely formerly recent in the near past 'McBirthday' prank call, which of you is the one that sounds like a helium munchkin filled with powdery white stuff?

Aussie Ben: That'd be Bob's younger brother. He's got quite the extensive Disney Adventures collection. And he loooooves Pokémon Channel - but then again, who wouldn't?

Guardilo! Posso parlare italiano! Il formaggio è vecchio ed ammuffito. Dove è la stanza da bagno. I vostri pantaloni hanno il consistancy del jello indurito. Vorrei dedicare questo messaggio a, il VOSTRO MOM! HA HA HA HA HA! Se da un certo atto del dio bizzarro potete leggere questo messaggio... Merda
- Sacchetto Ardente Gigante Della Merda Di Cane

Bungholio: I once ate at an italian restaurant and they did some really kickass pizza. Stands to reason I suppose.
STANDS LIKE A ONE LEGGED MAN.

I LOVE The Legend of Grimace Island and I swear to god at one time I had 5 Copys of it (but i gave one to my friend, and one to my couisn) can you review the other Wacky Adventures series, Grimace Isl. is the only one I have!

sincerily, David ''Lankydavid'' Duffman

Aussie Ben: For you? No.

qhat

Aussie Ben: INGENIOUS!!!

Chad: I believe he meant to say Shaqhat.

The Kinks' lead singer Ray Davies, 59, is recovering from a gunshot wound sustained during a Jan. 4 mugging in New Orleans. Davies was shot in the right thigh. He was treated at a hospital and released the next day. Police captured only one of the suspects, who is in custody.

Bungholio: Look, don't tell anyone, but it was me. And it wasn't even a real gun, it was a kitten. The kitten was holding the gun however, which may have been a mistake.

:) CHICKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!

Chad: Go away.

have you every been to the pink chickens website just look up pink chickens in google it should be the first one right there. that one. on the top. click it! it will take you to a world of insanity!! hooray for sponges!! any hoo.. just thought id mention it cos you sound like the kind of interweb super-guys that might like it.
good day and farwell.

(i in NO way watsoever endorse the bloody pink chicken website just thought you may like it, you no a bit of courtesy Whats that? i hear you say well look it up in a friggin' dictionary enjoy the end of the world! the chickens are the superior race of this planet-gAx)

Bungholio: You're officially crossed off our 'target audience' list. You will be mailed a sad face shortly.

Yer an idiot. Nothing inane about that.

Bungholio: Inane, no, but INSANE?!!!
No.

You didn't post any of my letters to you.

Aussie Ben: That's no good. I'm posting this one.

The site needs more tacos.

--Cammiluna

Aussie Ben: You're damn right. Here's a wallpaper.

800 x 600 | 1024 x 768 | 1280 x 960

sorry but u guys r lame

Bungholio: Your wit is only exceeded by your charm.

What The Fuck Is This Site? Damn..I'm stoned...

Bungholio: Hopefully to death.

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I'M BURNING TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!

-William

Bungholio: Good luck with that, let me know how it turns out.

I got this new book, and 4 pages of it speak about The Cannabis Conspiracy. Its actually a comic book about a bunch of conspiracies with facts in it (the company that used to print this book has "Factoid" in its name). I was wonder, is cannabis banned in Australia? When was it first banned? I'm too lazy to talk about other conspiracies, this one is special. Hemp was banned in America as of 1938, but when WWII occured, it was unbanned, and when it ended, hemp was banned again. H.W. Bush's parachute-webbing was made of hemp. No use complaining any further though, since legalizing hemp will only cause massive reefer parties instead of its pre-1938 purpose.

I also got another question, is there a secret society in Australia that is deeply involved with politics (America's The Order of Skull and Bones for example)?

-some Guy

Aussie Ben: Cannabis is legal, most assuredly. I see my neighbour mowing it all the time next door in nothing but a pair of Speedos, and that's greatly disturbing, let me assure you. I didn't want to look, but once you've seen something like that, the image burns into your retinas FOREVER. I haven't slept for several years now.

I am an outraged descendent of Thomas Edison.

Aussie Ben: Dear Mr. Edison, We here at The Rubber Chicken are deeply sorry that we have outraged you in any way, shape or form. We greatly admire Thomas Edison for his great contributions to society, such as the Electric Kettle and the Wine Opener With the Wing Things That You Push Down and the Cork Comes Up.

We look forward to your continuing patronage, and remember, it's all in good jest! Or, as they would have said in the olden days, "Help, I've Mangled My Latin Again".

Sincerely,

The Rubber Chicken Staff

Hi. I am trying desperately to try and find out some info about a TMNT series that I wathced when I was a kid but then all of a sudden never got shown again.

You guys have got some stuff of the series I'm on about on this site. Its the one where the Turtles mutation doesn't stop. In this sereis they are still mutating.

Also in this sereis the main villian is this weird allien dude named 'Dregg' or soemthing like that and he has convinced New York that he is the good guy and the Turtles are the evil one who are trying to destroy us. Can you guys please tell me what this sreies was called or referd to as. And where I can get the video's of it. If thats possible.
Thanks

Aussie Ben: What, you want to watch TMNT Season Ten? VOLUNTARILY? Dear God.
Well, the Season One DVD of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comes with four bonus Season Ten episodes, if you like. I'm not responsible for any mental or emotional damage. You can grab it from Amazon, but remember - it's Region One, so you'll need a Multi-region DVD player if you don't live in the US.

Dear TRC,

Chad: I've got that beat by a mile:

Haha! You dudes fell for it!

I would never hack you; I have no friends. Well, no hacker friends, if you understand me. And I've not played my Xbox for almost a week now! You thought I was gonna get a lawyer on your asses?!

LOL!

No, I just battled you with the power of my wholesome intellect - AND WON!!

Thanks fans,

Lee Thomas

Aussie Ben: We fell for what now?

"I have no friends."

Oh come on, you're making this FAR too easy. And intellect never has, and never will be "wholesome". Come again, Ducky. And tell the REAL Thomoose to come out of his shell. Maybe we'll see him on Xbox Live (despite none of us having it). Right?

Bungholio: That's no moon, IT'S A FAKE LEE THOMAS!

Send your letters to trcmailbag [at] gmail.com (or simply drop your thoughts in the comments section below) and you, too, can be threatened with creative acts of violence at the sultry hands of Mister Bung.

One Response to “Mailbag: A Man Named Clive

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