This edition is dedicated to The Other Guy From “Wham!“
Still doing a wonderful job of not being George Michael.
That is a highly stupid publication. Why can’t us brits do worthwhile things with our lives? You are a highly sad person who should get out more. Make money for charity, get a job, whatever, but don’t complain about smiling and sychronised swimming. The two just don’t go. You should get a life.
“You are a highly sad person who should get out more.”
From the regularity of our updates, one might speculate we’re all out all the time.
“Make money for charity”
I already donate to Amnesty and the Blood Bank to satisfy my middle-class guilt, but thanks for your concern!
“get a job”
Already have one, but thanks for your concern!
“but don’t complain about smiling and sychronised swimming. The two just don’t go”
You obviously have no familiarity with the sport. Watch any synchronised swimming broadcast on TV and you’ll see it’s really only smiling with some light water choreography on the side. Wait, never mind. It’s never broadcast on TV. Silly me.
“You should get a life.”
You’ve forgotten which of us is taking real, human time to make groundless assumptions about strangers’ social lives and accuse a humour website of inaccuracy. You smiley synchros always crack me up.
Bungholio: It’s always funny when dumb people try to talk like smart people. They use words like ‘highly adjective noun’ over and over and preach about a wholesome alternative to whatever it is that has their pickles in the press at the time.
He he! Pickles in a press!
Ettin: I’d get a life, but think about it – there are advantages to being an undead vampire. For one thing, I can sneak into the movies for free in my BAT FORM!, and bite virgins. How many virgins have you bitten? None? HA.
Aussie Ben: Ettin, don’t you dare bite me, fangs very much.
Chad: What if I get a job making money for a synchronized smiling charity?
Hi I’ll have a Big Mac!
Seeing as this is the first time I’ve written to you lot of jolly, non-english bums, I’d like to take this as an chance to say what I’ve always wanted to say to you:
Bung needs Therapy. What kind of man goes into a public online message board, and makes a topic about punching a man in the godam face, when the great thing of the interweb is made to make your upper-upper body rest at ease while staring apon a fragile womons buttox? Who is a man to PEEL all the strips of FLISH from the holy thing of your face, that god himself (Or, if you’re an atheist, that Captain Planet himself) scuplted with the very power of the heavens beneath his holy toes? What kind of man makes a vertuail form of himself look like a red faced demon about to do oh so many unpleasent things to your almighty bathing suit area? The very land your mother told you never to show, touch, or wack off in areas including, but not limited to: Public Parks, Shopping Malls, Musical Concerts, Friends Houses, Front Lawns, Backyards, Firework Showings, Strangers Cars, Public Pools, Outer Space, Convention Centers, Airports, and anywhere other than the Playboy Mansion or any TRC staffers house. I am sending a list of Clinics in your silly continent that can help with this delimma, and I am willing to help pay any charages involved. [List Removed before he had a chance to type it]
Thank you, and good luck in Super Bowl XXXVII.
Your Penguin loving Follower,
-Zach “Gamer zdr” Rich
Bungholio: You know I’m going to hunt you down like and gut you like a fish right?
Haha, just kidding!
It’ll be more like balling a melon. A fleshy, blood filled melon. Delicious.
Aussie Ben: Did somebody say IRMA?!!!
Hello. I am not sure who to ask this question, it’s a bit bizarre, but perhaps you might know the answer since I can’t find it anywhere: Who invented the rubber chicken? Thank you
Bungholio: No I won’t answer, because it’d spoil the magic.
Ettin: You know, I looked this up, but I can’t find it. This question is going to haunt me for hours now. You bastard!
Aussie Ben: I can’t find it either, so instead, here is a comment from the word twisting goose: QUACK QUACK!
Chad: Short answer: George Washington Carver. Long answer: The estate of Thomas Jefferson.
If combining a spoon and a fork gives you either a foon or a spork, what would happen if you were to take a foon and cross it with a spork?
This question has been troubling me for almost half of a minute and I wish to know the answer as much as I wish to eat Fetucinni Inconnu with a spatula.
Which I don’t actually wish to do.
…Carry on then.
- Zinggy Shiguru
P.S. If Bob is as quick with his poison recovery as he is with his blister causing shark spray, we’ll surely see him back in August. Or in Ceaser Augustus.
That is, assuming he does have blister causing shark spray, which is unlikely, considering it probably doesn’t actually exist and is more likely to be a figment of my printer’s imagination.
Aussie Ben: I have Bat Repellent for sharks.
Chad: For a limited time, The Olive Garden has Never-Ending Pasta Bowl for only $7.99!
It’s an acrostic poem:
HappyBob: It sure is.
Why do we eat fruit?
To make sure our bowels work, yes.
Fruit, I don’t like it.
Eeek ghads! You’ve cut your hair, HB! And you’ve put some ridiculously old thing related to an eighty’s sitcom in your mouth! Such outrageous acts of teenage defiance! What would your mother think?!
Aussie Ben: Er, how about “Who are you, why are you questioning my son’s hair stylings, and what are you doing in the house? Don’t move, I’m calling the police.”
HappyBob: Actually, she said “oh, I forgot you had eyebrows”.
In hindsight, my experimental hairy phase was misguided and an embarassment to all concerned. (That’d be me, then.) I would like to apologise to the internet for exposing it to my ‘do. I can only hope you find it in your hearts and wallets to forgive me.
Chad: I wish somebody would talk about how pretty my hair is.
Hyle: Your hair is gorgeous Chad, but it wouldn’t hurt waxing it every now and then. The ladies love a hairless pair of [NO! - The Good Taste Police].
Hey everyone out there in outerspace or webspace or whatever welcomey to my special part where you can be special!! itll be great and fun….what you say it isn’t great!? well sher it …fine its not that great you know im sory ok but you know what else its not done yet itll be better…why dont i finish it well i dont have time i have a family to take care of you now….fine i dont have a family but sumtimes i pretend i do, but whats the hurry, wheres the fire tahts right there isnt a fire but there might be one sumday…………..ahhhh fire!! lol gotcha there wasnt really a fire or at least not a real one there was one in my head. oh and by the way the picture there on the front you know the cool guy tahts me!! i bet you would never have guessed yep thats a picture of me chillin feeling the breeze cause im in my convertible ok i lied i dont have a car but i almost got my lisence! woohooo almost!
hope you like me as much as i do, sincerely andypandy
Bungholio: Yeah, no, we don’t. Sorry.
Aussie Ben: This is what happens when you try to be spontaneous and stupid simultaneously.
umm i hate to sound like a prick well actualy i dont but on the button that says “submit your insane banterings” you missed the “s” out in insane just thout id point that out
Bungholio: Hahahah! Ahhh. Inane is a word you know.
Oh god, that’s fantastic. No S. Brilliant.
Chad: I just wanted to remind everybody about that pasta special at The Olive Garden. It’s really quite a good deal.
Dear Joyful Roberto,
Questions echo across my mind, and in a similar fashion, so does the smell of catsup. Ah, catsup, what a mystery is yours! Ketchup and Catsup are one and the same, like Batman and Bruce Wayne, yet both hide secrets not to dissimilar to turkey sausage, which, in fact, looks nothing like Turkey!. Turkey, poor turkey… That bird saved my ass in the ‘Nam, when a Viet Cong sniper had us pinned for days, and all we could eat were turkey sandwiches. Yes, I learned that punji spikes are not your friends, but rather those annoying guys who you went to grade school with that just stick around to see what you’ve been up to since high school, but that you never were too fond of to begin with. Now if you’ll put down the shotgun, Monica dearest, I believe I have fish to cook, and people to converse with about random subjects. I also believe spoons are going to dominate the world, and very soon. We must prepare the cannon!
Bungholio: DON’T YOU DARE HIRE THIS GUY BOB. DON’T YOU DARE.
Aussie Ben: HIRED! Sorry, what did you say, Bung?
I think your pants dants article was very amuzing and actually surprisingly accurate! I would almost swear moggo wrote it.
Gotta love moggo, I miss him! I really do, my greatest rival on the Internet!
If I ever depart R-E no one would be better suited to running the site then Moggo. He is exactly like me! Together we can’t exist, but seperatly we are Rarenet Dans to eachs own existance!
His Divine Wozza
Bungholio: Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. These pants just do NOT go with this this shirt.
Aussie Ben: I thought your letter was quite amuzing, too.
Chad: Now that I’ve been out of this Rare fansite subculture for a good three years, as an objective observer it just comes off as creepy. It’s no wonder I never got laid during those dark years.
Hyle: Who’s the better character: Booker the caterpillar from Donkey Kong 64 or George the ice cube from Banjo-Tooie? More importantly, who’s sexier? I have to admit that whenever I’ve seen Booker, I’ve left much more residual man-juice on my N64 controller. I’m just curious what you think. I tried to have this conversation with Chad, but he stopped responding to my instant messages three years ago.
hey poogle is actually great site i visited it really is great thanx for telling me bout it ur site is good 2 good job guyz gj chad kallsen….
Ettin: Are you sure that was his site you were looking at?
Aussie Ben: Stop making links to it! You’ll poison the Internet!
bungholio you gay twaticuss
Chad: Jam out with your clam out!
I am fairly positive that i have fallen madly in love with the person who wrote the article on tim curry.
i love you, whoever you are.
tim curry owns me. & i’m glad someone made a list as to why he is so wonderful.
that truly made my day.
please have my children.
you need to email me, so we can be friends, because i want to marry you.
i better hear from you dream man. we will find ways to meet tim curry & have a threesome.
again, i love you.
Bungholio: Well, you know, I didn’t write it, but those guys? You don’t want those guys. You want a man who’d kill homeless people for sport, and write about sausage rolls in a film noir monologue (eyes peeled, folks). You want a man with a moustache. I think it’s clear what I’m getting at here.
I’m going to need some help putting this shelf together though.
Aussie Ben: Hey, I don’t have a moustache any more!
Oh, wait. Yes I do. I knew I forgot to do something today.
The Phantom Spoon: Writing you own fan mail again, Al?
Chad: Leah thats a hot name lets date
Thank you for finally providing positive proof that Tim Curry is, indeed, the hottest person ever to walk the earth. I am indebted to you. And now I must go out and rent the Worst Witch!
Bungholio: Oh, AbsoLUTELY.
Aussie Ben: You can get hours upon hours of Curryfication if you listen to the Lemony Snicket Audio Books. I know that I…was losing…control.
I found this site somehow…I think i might have been random surfing…don’t ask
but i thought it was very interesting and must have been drawn by unnatural powers to the comic section and found that the Crap Comic by Aussie Ben didn’t live up to the expectations of the name…infact i found them quite funny and could almost imagine the expresions on the stick figures faces (if you could call the oval a face)
I’ll Be Back
Ettin: Obligatory forums plug!
Aussie Ben: This almost inspired me to waste five seconds to make another Crap Comic. Then I got distracted. Thanks for the email though!
I have been trying to find out the sources of the title music for both Mr. Pants 2000 and 2001 ever since they first came out. Do any of you know what game(s) the music is originally from?
I also think I remember trying to find out what the alternate level music for the tropical stage in Mr. Pants 2001 came from.
Perhaps this is an unreasonable question. But if any of you know, please let me know.
HappyBob: I passed this question on to the games’ designer (long since ascended to a higher plane of videogame development), who agreed to answer on the grounds that his reply was treated in a respectful and dignified manner.
Andrey wins the award for the best sidebar thingy i have seen here
Bungholio: You should see him hunting bears in the wilds of Alaska!
Aussie Ben: Forget that, you should see him move. He’s always RUSSIAN.
Hyle: In Soviet Russia, water bathes you!
HI!! My name is Danielle Sawchuk, and Im a HUGE McDonalds fan. I love Grimace soo much, he is just so dang cute! I dont know how you decided to make him a taste bud but it totaly suites him. If I could be anything but me it would be a TASTE BUD!
Bungholio Sawchuk is an awesome name though. It’s been added to my list of potential stage names, right along side Flash Cullen and Guerro Tavo.
Aussie Ben: Didn’t we go through this already? He’s not a tastebud, he’s a cloned mutant beetroot.
Your review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series 10, makes MUCH more sence, if you see season 9 first…it’s a tie in dude!
And, by the way, Shredder and Krang DO INDEED return later in season 10 :)
Won’t see you.
Aussie Ben: …wait, you WANT it to make sense? This was the series where we had a dreadlocked Ninja Turtle who was neither a Ninja nor a Turtle. THINK CAREFULLY. And the same series where Michelangelo used a grappling hook instead of Nunchucks.
Well, I suppose it is a deadly tool in the right hands – it did make a spaceship spontaneously explode.
Hyle: Fun fact! In the States, we call the individual years ‘seasons’ instead of ‘series.’ The series is the entirity of the show, the collection of every single season. Then again, we’re the country that had nearly 50% of the voting populace select George W. Bush as president not once but twice, so what do we know? Obviously as much as the producers who decided to replace Krang. Childhood raped? Mission accomplished!
I have just started playing “the new adventures of zak mckracken,” and I’m probably an idiot, but I seem to be stuck.
I got the butter knife, the small key and the cashcard from the apartment. I got the mail from the mailbox. I went to the pawn store and bought the camera and the guitar.
Now what? I can’t figure out how to get on the bus. I tried using the chain saw on the bus, which seems like the right idea, but it tells me there’s no gas. Where do I go from here?
PLEASE respond to (email removed).
I really want to play this game, and it’s driving me nuts to be stuck so early.
Bungholio: What? I’m itchy. Somebody scratch me.
Aussie Ben: Okay, I remember getting stuck here as well. Here’s what I did:
BLUDGEON the OLD LADY with the CHAINSAW.
USE the BUTTER KNIFE on EYEBALLS.
JAM the CASHCARD down THROAT.
If that doesn’t work, then I’ve no idea. Maybe you can use the cashcard to unlock doors? They do it all the time in the movies.
That wristwatch! As for me it can speak Italian! Putrefazione that old obtained worries about the cheese. There is consistancy of jello which becomes hard in the pants. I think that we would like to lift up to this message of the nut/mother, I I have, he I I have, he I I have, he I I have, he I I have! If probably to read this message to process it obstructed of bizzarro to God
Aussie Ben: Look, I know it SEEMS like it, but you can’t just spout gibberish and expect to get a job here. You might want to try Rare-Extreme, I hear their motto is “WE’LL HIRE ANYONE! EVEN IF IT’S INANIMATE!”.
happy bob are you a homosexual you sound like one to me i mean HAPPY BOB it doesent do you mutch justice and its slightly ironic … your not happy you seem verry angry and depresed and suicidal
Ferdinand_Magellan: Capital letters are not traditionally used to show emphasis, italics are for that. Capital letters are more commonly used for only the beginning letter of words, in very special circumstances, like the beginning of sentences. I could go on, but I’m so very angry and Scotched up.
Bungholio: Oh, the same HappyBob who convinced me to change the ending of my short film script from a sobering glimpse of a tragic death to sugar sweet sentimentality? Flaming Colon Captain man. Seriously.
HappyBob: I keep telling you, honeybuns, optimism is the new pessimism this season. I’ll stake my Barbra Streisand DVD collection on it.
Ettin: I met HAPPY BOB in real life once, when I went to Queensland to visit my uncle and he came down by train. First thing he did was try to jump onto the tracks yelling “my life isn’t worth living anymore!” and then he kept trying to cut himself.
In retrospect, maybe the miniskirt was a bad idea.
why are you enimys with rare extreem?
Bungholio: Why do you insist on roughly accousting the english language and sodomising the poor thing in an alley that smells of hobo urine?
Aussie Ben: We’re not enemies with Rare-Extreme!
If we were enemies with them, then they’d be considered a threat.
I think your game’s suck because they have no action in them.
Bungholio: You didn’t turn Action on in the advanced menu. Make sure Awesome has the box ticked too.
Aussie Ben: He might not have an Awesome Accelerator installed, though.
Is it simply Weet-Bix or Wheat Biscuts…?
Or something else?
Maybe you will have to find out…
Ettin: Pretty sure it’s just “a Weet-Bix”. Incidentally, while I loved those as a kid, last year I tried them again and went “Ugh! Haystack! Haystack!”
I never had them again.
Bungholio: I actually know this one. A singular weet-bix is a ‘biscuit’. A ‘weet bix biscuit’. And where are you that you can’t find weet bix or at the very least a no brand substitute? ARE YOU IN OUTER SPACE?
Dear Staff of The Rubber Chicken…
I would like to thank you all for providing us, the viewers with the lyrics to your masterpiece known as “Yo Ho!“. I would like to, but since it is permanently in my head, I am inclined to simple boycott the site and become a contributing member of Rare Extreme.
Frustratedly happy, Hans Stockmann.
HappyBob: Thanks! We’re genuinely flattered that Yo Ho! has had such a lasting, borderline-traumatic impact. Though somehow I’m not convinced the patrons of the university guild bar will appreciate it as much next Open Mic Night. Watch this space:
Keep watching. You’ll know when you see it.
hello I AM UMMET Ý WANT TO LEARN WHAT YOUTHINK ABOUT ÝSLAM. I WONDER WHY SOMEPEOPLE ARE TRYÝNG TO ÝNSULT THE REALÝTÝES. ÝF NOT BELÝEVÝNG JUST BE RESPECTFULL AS WE DO. AND I WANT TO SAY AGAÝN WHY YOU DONT ÝNVESTÝGATE THÝS BOOK. JUST SEARCH IHOPE SO, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THESE REALÝTÝES… THANK YOU MY EMAÝL ADDRESS ÝS OLGUN20DÝNDAR@YAHOO.COM GOOD BYE….
Ettin: I THINK THE ISLAMIC HOLY BOOK SHOULD MENTION THE SHIFT KEY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
Rare-Extremes april fools joke is going to be tough to beat this year folks
Bungholio: The existence of RareXtreme is the joke we’re striving to beat. So far, we’re losing.
Ettin: The existence of…. DAMMIT BUNG!
Scary Movie 3 Review:
wow i just saw this masterpiece, it was like a glorius magic carpet ride thru-out the ages! it made me cry and even laugh at the one part and all in all it taught us that great things can happen from one little dream! 32 Key Eskimos out of a possible 36(not really)
-Andy “Gene Shalit” Pandy
Aussie Ben: I haven’t seen the movie myself, so let’s ask famed video game designer Shigeru Miyamoto what he thought of it:
Hello everybody! I am Shigeru Miyamoto, amazing designer of video games, striving for innovation and creativity to excite you, the player at home! I recently viewed the unique and astounding movie “Scary Movie 3″, and was pleasantly surprised! Excitement and rapture extended through my brain like the tendrils of dominance I exude over Nintendo Co., Ltd! It felt like I was being transported to a garden where another person was sitting – I was not sure if it was a samurai, or Leslie Neilsen in his most amazing role yet! But then I caught a train that lead to a secret cave where I discovered the source of a rainbow – a secret that I could keep with me. I would like to give that same feeling to each and every one of you, so I’ve decided to have each and every Nintendo Revolution connected directly up to my brain, where I will assimilate through the internet and become an all-powerful being that will be able to dominate the world through the millions of Revolution consoles in each and every home.
We hope that you enjoy the Nintendo Revolution!
did you know its actualy imbosible for a bumble bee to be able to fly?
so how does it HOW DOES IT GODD DAMMIT IS THIS WORLD THAT INSANE
-from your good pall THAT YOU BANNED FROM THE FORUM!!!! shite
HappyBob: Our loss, clearly.
Glancy: Answer: Leprechaun magic.
The day of rekoning is upon you
Rare-Extreme Judgement Day will come and all those at N-Chicken will be brought before the might Wozza for their judgement
The is no where to hide
Wozza will find you
Aussie Ben: Bless him, he thinks he’s the antichrist.
Hmm…on second thoughts, an antichrist with poor punctuation and grammar.
I just got the random message at the top right about the Daleks and their inability to ascend stairs. Well…i was thinking of that when I watched the Doctor yesterday and well…
Bungholiob: Next Up! DJ Cat decides what meat to have on his sandwhich! It’s HAM!
I was reading the section you wrote about mary kate and ashley using aussie slang in their movie our lips are sealed and i want to say i love mk&a but this movie was sooooo unjustified. I AM AUSTRALIAN and as you can see there’s no G’DAY MATE, YOUR A DROP DEAD GORGEOUS SHEILA, no CHAZWAZZAS (we call them toads thanks) NO FLOOGELDOOFLA, FLOOBOODAS, SCHNORKELDOFFS or RUDDOCKS or whatever the hell. we are NOT HICKS. the only person that ever talks like that is the crocodile hunter and the guy from crocodile dundee AND THATS AN ACT!!! if any of you ever said anything of that to me face to face I WOULD KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF. i do not like stereotypes, expecially AUSTRALIAN STEROTYPES. we dont live in the desert by ularoo and dont take a friggen kangaroo to school. we LIVE LIKE AMERICANS so visit our counrty before YOU MAKE UP CRAP
Bungholio: Streuth! This larkakin’s as mad as a cut snake!
HappyBob: Hang on, so you read enough to understand that we didn’t make the movie, but not enough to understand we were ourselves were Australians trying to make a Statement? Can someone please explain the difference between subject matter and message before this person writes to the Catholic Church complaining about the Crucifixion, or Bob Geldof of The Boomtown Rats regarding Mondays?
Aussie Ben: We live like Americans? STOP AUSTRALIA I WANT TO GET OFF.