The Chicken Feed

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Alastair: Australian comedian Shaun Micallef is somewhat of a demigod to The Rubber Chicken’s Australian writers.  His previous sketch comedy series is eerily similar to the sort of show we would make, but for our lack of time, money and talent.  It was therefore only natural that we await Micallef Tonight, his long-overdue return to television, as parents would their firstborn.  And when that show (let’s end the baby metaphor here before things get ugly) was prematurely axed by the Nine Network after barely two months on air, we considered it a direct and personal insult.

The following retaliatory letters won’t bring the show back, but they just might waste precious seconds of a Channel Nine secretary’s time. And in the end, that’s what is all about.  More importantly, we hope they give you a good chuckle, and go that little way in restoring the laughs robbed from the world in these dark, dark days.

Professor Barrington Winderworth
(Mister Bung’s Address Removed)

RE: Micallef Tonight Cancellation

Dearest Channel Nine,

It has come to my attention that I am not, at present, wearing pants. Now I assure you the people I live with are quite used to it, but others don’t share the same opinion.Also, I have noticed an increasing trend for renovation style shows, where you send in a team of ‘professional’ celebrity makeover artists who help out us Aussie Battlers.

Well, I was thinking over this while I was on the toilet, I thought maybe you can help me. I propose a new show called “Who Wears the Pants Here!” and it’ll involve a complete Pantsular makeover for a random bad-pants person off the street! While I don’t condone the act of wearing pants, I can understand the associated enjoyment and therefore have a great understand of how the whole concept will work. I like to have Thursdays and Fridays off and I would like a good dental plan. I can start work next week.

I hope you like the new show!

Sincerely (and pantslessly),

Prof. Barrington Winderworth

(Ben’s Address Removed)

RE: Micallef Tonight Cancellation


Len Downs
c/o Channel Nine
PO Box 100
Richmond, Vic 3121

Dear Mr. Downs,

Eek eek ook chee chee ook chee eek chee! Ack oop eee ook ook ook chee! Ack ook ook. OOOK. Ook chee eek chee ack chee oop. Eek eee ook eee ook ook chee chee chee – ook chee eek chee ack oop eee! OOOK chee eek chee, ook eep ack eek chee! Oook ook ook eek eep eep eep! Ook ook ook ook ook, ack ook eek ack chee! Ook chee eek chee ack chee oop. Eek eek ook chee chee ook chee eek chee – eek eee ook eee ook ook chee chee chee. Oook ook ook eek eep eep eep! Ack eep chee, oook eek eep chee! Eek eek chee, ack oop eep! Ack eep chee! Chee, ook ook ook eep eep ack eek eek! Oook ook ook ook ack chee eek chee ook chee eep eep! Oook ook ook ook ack eep! Ack ook ook ook eek oop ack chee.

I thought I’d better speak in your language regarding the cancellation of Micallef Tonight. Please, if your monkeys in suits have anything to say regarding this, don’t hesitate to contact me. I’ll try to comprehend their gibberish.

Yours sincerely,


(Chad’s Address Removed)

RE: Micallef Tonight Cancellation

Related Links
More Micallef
More Childish Retaliation
More Hassling People of Importance
More Australian Idiocy
More Absence of Pants

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