The Chicken Feed

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When we last left our heroes, their spacecraft was proportionately high on danger and low on mathematical aides.


Donatello sheds a single tear. If only senile Master Splinter’s abacuses had been useful all those other times.

The shuttle makes it through the portal by the skin of General Yogurt’s pants, and promptly crashes in Dimension X. Yogurt reminds the Turtles that any landing you can walk away from is a good one, and the Launchpad McQuack parallels return like a two-by-four to the face.

Technodrome is the coolest word in the English language. I would like it if my house were called a Technodrome.

Within that fortress of awesomeness, Krang and Shredder’s mom are getting along like a Zeppelin on fire. Shredder, feeling left out and frankly getting sick of the shameless flirting, prepares to express his stern disapproval by storming off to his room in a sulk. But before he can, Granny spots something on the Technodrome’s ridiculously vast viewing screen. Seems like some of those damn teenagers have gotten onto her lawn again, and by golly she won’t stand for it. Cue the lasers and the falling and the etc etc, and before you know it they’re inside.

Krang frickin’ loves this woman at this point. And why not? She’s a riot.

The Turtles start fighting their way through the bowels of the ‘Drome, but our pretty-in-pink duo are one step ahead of them. Ma Saki, relishing her return to the supervillain gig, begins gleefully barking out orders to basically anyone who’ll listen. Her unidentifiable (but certainly not Japanese) accent, which has been wavering up to this point, now swerves wildly, careening all over the place like a drunken driver on prom night.

Back on Earth, things are heating up.

Ma’s demented plan swings into gear like a wild-eyed mixed metaphor. The Turtles flee from the counter-attack, and are faced with this devilish conundrum.


Raphael says what we’re all thinking, but to no avail.

Yep, trash compactor.

A trash compactor on a large, spherical space station.

Major bummer, dude.

Just when all hope looks lost, Leonardo encounters this devilish conundrum. Michelangelo voices his scepticism by breaking the fourth wall.

But reverse psychology be dammed, this one IS the computer room! The Awesome Foursome jump in, we skip through several minutes of dialogue, and they are trapped in a (devilish?) force field!

Krang is in hysterics as he announces to the world that the Turtles “have been captured by… Shredder’s mother!” Shredder makes good on his plans to go and sulk. Krang’s been waiting a loooong time for this glorious moment and has no intention of ever letting junior live it down. He sets his android body on autopilot and begins his campaign to humiliate Shredder every waking hour for the remainder of his natural life.

Donatello uses the distraction to call for General McYogurt, but alas, he has fallen into much the same trap as his compadres. Luckily, with Krang gone, Shredder’s mother immediately gravitates to the closest male in the room not related to her. Yogurt, finally in his element, executes a cunning ruse of his own. Sweet-talking the old dear, lulling her into a false sense of security, he swiftly deactivates the force field imprisoning the Turtles.

April looked pretty hot without much clothing,
but Irma must have looked hotter.

Back on Earth, it’s hot hot hot. April, distancing herself even more from her usual walking banana look, puts it all out there for the viewing public. Who needs modesty when the world’s about to end? Will the Turtles be able to save the day, the world wonders, or will we have to fall back on prayers for the Rapture (again)? With the fate of the environment hanging in the balance, it’s back to the Technodrome to find out.

With Mommy immobilised within a force field of her own, Donatello springs into action. Apparently there’s a a leftover satellite from Regan’s Star Wars program still in orbit, with a giant mirror attached to it (???), which he is readily able to hack into from an alternate dimension (????) and reposition within seconds from the other side of the planet (?????). Bing bang boom, the heat ray is blasted back at its source, tidily saving everyone’s day, and making Shredder’s even worse. Time to head back home for pizza and frosty cold ones.



Ms Saki, taking it all in her stride (after all, what personal investment did she have in Project Hot-Mirror?), calmly has her son and his minions clean up the frightful mess they’ve made.

Shredder has finally reached his own personal boiling point, though, and dispenses a firm, decisive Back To The Home With You, Old Bag by way of trans-dimensional teleport. She arrives just in time for croquet, so all’s well that ends well.

The Earth’s temperature’s back to normal, but April is still hot. And back in the sewers, Donatello sighs as Splinter hands him yet another abacus.

Words by Tim, Ben and Alastair. Original artwork by Andy “Klobber” Webb.

More TMNT and Cartoon Nostalgia:

Krang: A Tribute
The Candid Turtle: Behind The Cowabungas
TMNT’s Obscure and Horrifying Tenth Season
Captain Planet and the Lake of Fear
The Ever-JAWSOME, Ever-FORGETTABLE Street Sharks

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