Highlights from The Rubber Chicken’s Stolen Image Trickery series, in which we exact mild revenge on bloggers remotely hotlinking our pictures, with allegedly hilarious results.
A quick educational brief on the Magical World of Bandwidth! When I pay the US$60 per year required to host The Rubber Chicken, those expenses cover a certain amount of downloads from the page per month. When somebody posts an image from our webspace on another site or forum, that person is effectively stealing. Enter karma: it also means we have complete power over what appears on their side. We’ve tracked down two such offenders, thieving bandwidth like the filthy bandwidth thieves they are.
Let’s have some fun.
Offender One: Some Goth
When this young man isn’t wallowing in teenage angst or sacrificing small animals, he’s posting in his “DeadJournal” (see what they did there?). In between his contemplations of why he is so misunderstood and handy tips for applying mascara, he makes hilarious comments about popular culture. The following post contained some colourful expletives we had to cover up, no doubt a result of him listening to too much Marilyn Manson.
“An age old question: What the [sexual intercourse] is Grimace? I’ll tell you.. He’s a large walking [number two]. A talking load of [excrement]. I mean.. [popular religious figure], isn’t it obvious?”
A good point, and well made… more potent, dare I say, than the smell of his black nail polish. However, that image looks strangely familiar. In fact, it was exactly the same image we used to begin our page on The Mystery Of The Grimace. Granted, Grimace’s species and identity is an age-old question that baffles us all, and we can’t stake any claim to his rant. But when he steals our bandwidth without acknowledging the site he got it from, it means war.
We made a few subtle changes.
Will he stop contemplating self-harm long enough to notice? Time will tell. And Ben would like to point out that Birdie the Early Bird™ represents the McDonalds breakfast menu, not Chicken McNuggets.
Offender Two: The Time-Traveling Teen
When she’s not shopping for shoes or gossipping about boys, “Willow” (obviously a Val Kilmer fan) is making medieval garments, pretending to live in the Middle Ages and writing awful poetry in her LiveJournal. One of her haikus apparently required a picture of Steve Urkel, so she stole one straight from TRC’s webspace.
I don’t know. Do you think this got the point across?
Offender Three: The Sexually Confused Young Man
When our bandwidth statistics led us to “uunderachiever’s livejournal“, we were upset and alarmed by his use of the word “fag” as punctuation. Concluding that this could only be a defensive measure to hide his true colours, we decided to use our hotlinking powers this time for good, not evil. Over the course of a week, we gave it our all to get this angry teen in touch with his Inner Streissand Fan.
He… wasn’t pleased.
In conclusion, the label “Koala Bear” is not only scientifically inaccurate, but also needlessly patronising to the species. Please consult your local library for more information.