I tell you, these Japanese are absolutely bonkers. And I mean that in a good way. The delightful company NanaOn-Sha has made three of the catchiest games I’ve ever played. Parappa the Rapper, Um Jammer Lammy and Parappa the Rapper 2. Today, I’ll take you through Lammy and Parappa 2.
So I left it a little late. So what? It’s not like anyone’s even remotely interested in Street Sharks anyway. Trust me on this. There are literally NO fan sites of any kind about this mediocre 90s kids’ show which was a blatant rip-off of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know this because of my extensive twenty second search on Google. (Please don’t find me some obscure Street Sharks website to prove me wrong. I really don’t care.)
With the upturned toadstool, the nervous wristwatch exploded with the volume of a small teacup. For it was questioning its own sexuality, when in fact it was enjoying a nice cup of existensialism. At which point, to Sir Lancelot’s dismay, his pants exploded. The evil turnip’s machinations crumbled to dust and cute little fairy sprinkles around him. It was time to start anew. With radishes.
Now, hop up on Uncle Harold’s lap, won’t you, Billy? I’ve a tale to tell.
The story I’m trying to tell you if you’d just shut up and listen to me happened when I was riding my chopper down the I5 and got flagged over by a filthy degenerate who needed help jump-starting his junked out crack-van. I told him buddy, listen, this is a god-damned motorbike, but he said all he really needed to get on the road was some hot, casual intercourse. I said hell no, I’m not some kind of queer, so not until I see a passport, birth certificate or other form of legit identification. He, of course, was unable to produce such a document, so again I was left a virgin, weeping to myself on the roadside. How long, I wondered, until I would finally cast away these bitter shackles, forget these dark blizzards that struck every night of my hated innocence?
Alastair: Remember ? You know, Ben’s quirky, insightful and (hah!) weekly series adding dialogue from old LucasArts adventure games to real-world photos? If not, I know what you’re thinking: what a delightful idea! There is absolutely no chance of this offending anybody!
One man defied those expectations. One man broke the shackles and challenged us. Today we pay tribute to this man – this hero – the only way we know how: with an insane and the not-at-all defamatory Flash animation from Bungholio.
I’m not sure if any of you have ever been sick, but when you are like I am right now, oftentimes you will become mentally handicapped, and it’s one of the most terrifying experiences you can ever have. I went to sleep last night around 9:30 PM, seven hours earlier than usual. I had been dreaming of Pee Wee Herman’s playhouse, but it kept getting hotter and hotter. Eventually, Cowboy Curtis caught on fire, and Chairy caught on fire, and that genis head in the box caught on fire and Pee Wee started running around and I started screaming. I sat down in Chairy, but she was on fire, and I caught on fire too.
I awoke with a start, sweating, terrified, and six feet off the ground. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, left foot, and head. Something was definitely not good, and I was going to get to th— Six feet off the ground? What?!? I looked down, flopped around in sheer panic, and eventually came to the conclusion that I was in the top bunk bed, the same place I’ve been sleeping the last three months. My roommate was noisily watching TV, and I stared at the side of his head intently for about thirty seconds. He thought he was so great. I could watch TV too, but I decided against it because, after all, I was very high off the ground.
“Alchemy is… do you want gold?” I asked.
“I can make you gold out of lead, because I am an alchemist. If you want gold out of straw or water I can make straw gold and water gold.”