The Chicken Feed

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TRC Merchandise: The College Years

Posted on February 15th, 2008 by Alastair Craig

Like a killer wasp in an out-of-place simile, The Rubber Chicken Store is active once more.

First amongst the new batch is the Land of Canoes Torso Concealer. Such is the overpowering chirpiness of this colourful, yet tastefully understated t-shirt that drawing it physically gave cartoonist extraordinaire Andy “Klobber” Webb a headache. Don’t let his sacrifice go unrewarded – order today!

Update: By popular demand (hi Mum), the shirt is now also available in a naughty-word-free version, for those who prefer their t-shirts obscenely colourful but not colourfully obscene. Conservative but flamboyant gay men now have no reason not to own one. Jawsome!

Next on the rolecall is the timeless Quack Cap, now with a freshly revised URL and 50% more timelessness. You’ve learned why the sun shines, now shield yourself from the answer!

And, er, if it’s all the same with you, I’d rather not talk about the third item. Some scars take longer to heal than others.


Posted on October 13th, 2006 by Mister Bung


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Movie: Chris Cares

Posted on September 15th, 2005 by Chris Shadforth

What terrifies a university student above all else? If you answered “exams”, “tuition fees” or “an uncertain future”, I can only ask what you thought to gain in giving sincere, vocal replies to a clearly tongue-in-cheek rhetorical question from a writer who clearly can’t hear you. The misleadingly introduced answer is, of course, “student elections”.

The concept of a student union is all well and good, but it’s hard to appreciate the big picture when you’re getting pamphlets shoved in your face at every turn.  Both competing parties subscribe to the same mind-numbing bombardment techniques that have worked so well in the past (see: internet advertising).  Where they’re trying to encourage voters, this assault on the senses only serves to drive them away.

To make our thoughts known, we launched our own flyer campaign targeted exclusively at flyer distributors themselves.

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Now, I know what you’re thinking.  How is it that God made me so much weaker and more pathetic than everyone else?  How long is it before everything I’ve worked to build for myself fails, and I’m left a vacant stall of a human with nothing but a stool-sample to be proud of?  Where did I go wrong?

Well, you’re drinking dairy, that’s where. You SHOULD be drinking Silk. And here’s why.


The prostate, like the Cadillac, is an important part of the male reproductive system. It’s a gland about the size of a Zulu Shrunken Head that surrounds the urethra (the tube that carries urine from the bladder to the toilet seat, and areas up to a meter around the bowl) and lies at the base of the bladder. This gland secretes about 25% of the seminal fluid that is combined with sperm during Friday On Showcase. This prostatic fluid protects and energizes sperm, like a Super Mushroom in Mario World. Increased growth of the prostate can sometimes lead to health problems such as BPH (Big-time Prostate Hurtin’) – a benign enlargement of the prostate that causes uncomfortable symptoms – and possibly impolite laughter and ridicule among your peers.

Soy foods can protect your prostate. Some studies indicate that even one glass of soymilk every day is enough to provide your prostate with the protective benefits of soy. Other studies indicate that these first studies are biased, but statistics say that these studies are unreliable, due to their bias toward reliability, which, like any bias, is unreliable unless proven otherwise by various studies. According to a study at Loma Linda University, men who consumed soymilk at least once per day had a 70% reduced risk of developing prostate cancer, and were gay.

Don’t take chances with your prostate! If you’re going to bet a lot of money on one game of poker, leave your prostate in the hotel room! You remember those weird, spasmic ass-pains you were having, Alastair Robert Craig of 14 Earl Av, Brisbane, QLD? That’s your God-damned Prostate! Are you listening to me, dammit?

Related Links: SexChat with the Formless Underlord of the Crimson Kingdom

Selling Out With Andrey

Posted on March 1st, 2003 by Andrey Summers

The Rubber Chicken began life as a mildly silly videogame review page.
Out of respect for history, we have kept some of the least embarrassing early reviews in the archive.

It’s not hard to get excited about Septic Cleaner. After all, who enjoys a dirty septic system? Not me, that’s for sure!

However, it’s not often great deals for septic system cleaning come along, so when I saw !! Astounding Septic Product !! from “Barry” in my Junk Mail folder, I literally fell off my chair with glee!  And How!

Without neither trepidation nor pants, I set off to learn more about the amazing SPC, and boy was I stunned and slightly aroused by what I learnt!

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Promotional Message #2

Posted on February 24th, 2001 by Alastair Craig

Previous Episode:
EvilBob III: More Evil
The Happy Adventure Series Next Episode:

New to Take a look at some Rubber Chicken highlights from the decade since,
or sample our sketch comedy radio series.

Promotional Message

Posted on April 24th, 2000 by Alastair Craig

Previous Episode:
The Big Red Button
The Happy Adventure Series Next Episode:
Happy Adventure: Blooper Reel

New to Take a look at some Rubber Chicken highlights from the decade since,
or sample our sketch comedy radio series.