An exclusive excerpt from the Captain Planet Annual 1993
(Printed on RECYCLED PAPER!)
Generously donated by Mister Bung
Comment on this post »History’s Greatest Procrastinators
(Next week: History’s Greatest Masturbators)
A forward by Alastair “HappyBob” Craig, Editor of TheRubberChickeN64.
Throughout the 1990s, writer and comic mastermind Douglas Adams struggled to organise a film adaptation of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. “The Hollywood process,” he once remarked, “is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people come into the room and breathe on it”. Sadly, Adams passed away before he could see his pet project become a reality, with the movie showing few signs of progress… until now. In 2005, The Hitchhiker’s Guide finally saw completion in the capable hands of Garth Jennings, who created something arguably worthy of the late Adams’ memory.
Ladyfolk and gentlebeings, you are about to witness history itself unfolding. We are gathered here today for the WORLD PREMIERE of that famous unfinished masterpiece, five years late, but forever ageless in its beauty:
Alastair: When I announce, as I often do, that I have met the Andrey Summers, the usual reaction is disbelief. “Surely not the distinguished actor who graduated from the University of East Anglia to land a supporting role in the Indiana Jones films, later playing the fat professor in the first two seasons of Sliders, and recently starring as Gimli and Treebeard in the blockbuster Lord of the Rings trilogy?” my audience would ask, to which I’d reply “no, that’s John Rhys-Davies.”
Hair? Eyes? Distinguishing facial features? I can confirm that Andrey does, in fact, have all of these. But the most distinguishing feature on Andrey’s face would have to have been that large piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth. I probably should have told him about that before I left. (Joke © Aussie Ben, 2004)
What follows is our long-awaited account of that fruity and fruitful meeting between myself and Andrey, and vice versa. And only nine months after the fact – honestly, we spoil you.
This morning I received a late birthday package from an unknown sender. Fearing anthrax, I nervously glanced inside to find the pop-culture equivalent. Brett Cullen of Perth, Western Australia, you are a wonderful bastard.
A guest essay by Ethel J. Roberts, Author & Critic.
I recently paid a visit to my local shopping centre to confront my local supermarket about the price of a recently-purchased jar of rhubarb, and was sick and disgusted at what I found. Hundreds of children, all lining up like lemmings for the new instalment of The Adventures of Harry Potter: Boy Wizard. This controversial book series has been boycotted by tens of millions of readers worldwide for its promotion of witchcraft. Despite the overwhelming pressure on bookstores and libraries to ban the series, the authorities continue to sit by idly while our youth are secretly corrupted and brainwashed with blatantly pagan and un-Christian ideals.
A small sample of the comic genius YOU are missing out on by living in a different country to Mr. Shaun Micallef.
This is just ridiculous. Not only has comedian and television personality Shaun Micallef yet to reach total world domination, but he’s only reaching the miniscule audience of millions of Australian viewers! We’ll soon fix that. With the magic of this wonderful Inter-Web Net Thingy, I can let all sorts of people around the world know about Shaun’s many hilarious shenanigans. I claim no responsibilty for the jokes, though. They’re all Shaun’s. I’m just ‘spreading the word’, as it were.
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