“Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame street?”
……………………-”Sesame Street” theme song. Written by Joe Raposo, Jon Stone & Bruce Hart
Ever since Sesame Street debuted in 1969, this question has haunted us relentlessly. This says a lot for our obsession, because we weren’t born until the 80s. For you see, while the universally beloved children’s show cheerfully asks the question, it never actually divulges the answer.
How do you get Sesame Street?
Today we’re going to find out the only way we know how: by asking every awesome celebrity who will care to listen. Meanwhile, Aussie Ben will try to combine them into a single coherent answer. A recipe for madness, or a salmon cake of bitter disappointment? You be the judge.
This edition is dedicated to The Other Guy From “Wham!“
Still doing a wonderful job of not being George Michael.
In the Celebrity Burning Question series, we contact as many celebrities or obscure parties as possible with one of life’s great questions. This edition: what do the birds and the bees really DO?
Ever since Jewel Akens sang “The Birds and the Bees” in the mid-1960s, we’ve all wondered what, exactly, the Birds and the Bees actually did. As the Bees and the Birds are quite clearly two different species, presumably with incompatible size and sexual behaviour, any intimate act would clearly be uncomfortable, if not impossible. No siree, this is a cover for something far more complex. We have vowed to solve this Burning Question the only way possible: by emailing assorted celebrities and entirely inappropriate parties.
Just a few of the experts we contacted:
A recap of the Arctic White Campaign, The Rubber Chicken’s month-long crusade to rig a breakfast cereal election.
As you are no doubt aware, the Australian division of Kellogg’s Cereal let us, Froot Loop eating public, choose the new colour to join the green, orange, red and yellow we all know and love. Always the equal opportunity campaigners, we began a movement to elect the least likely candidate: Arctic White. For every day of the last month, The Rubber Chicken’s readers and writers have been casting multiple votes for this wonderfully mundane colour hundreds of times over.
Sadly, but not surprisingly, Kellogg’s couldn’t handle the results. Today, the false glory is heaped upon Sky Blue.
With this outright robbery of our democratic rights, our dreams are shattered. Shattered like glass. Glass under an elephant’s foot. The foot of the elephant of manipulative multinational cereal companies. An elephant which has eaten peanuts. The peanuts of rigged election results. Grown in a peanut farm of LIES!