The Chicken Feed

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Australians everywhere (provided they live in Melbourne, Sydney or Brisbane and use public transport) know mX – a delightful, informative and totally free daily newspaper available at train stations. Subjects span US celebrity gossip, new product lines, US celebrity trivia, sports, photographs of people in their underwear, US celebrities launching new product lines, photographs of US celebrities in their underwear, and sudoku.

Particularly worth reading is the the letters section, “Vent Your Spleen”, where fellow commuters write in to send messages to strangers they met on the train or discuss the news, politics, trains, celebrities and celebrities on trains.

Ever wanted to see what that letters section looked like, but too afraid to pick up the copy that shifty old man left on his seat with a copy of Big & Bouncy wrapped inside? Wonder no longer!

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This episode: an exploding garden shed, robot poetry and an EXCLUSIVE interview with one of the Mooon People!

Includes the sketches:
The Stephen Hawking Impersonation Hour
Easy as Pie
The Land of Canoe Blues
…and more!

Compiled by Tim Morrison and Alastair Craig

Directly Download MP3

Subscribe to TRC Podcast to stay up-to-date with new shows.
iTunes / Google Reader / myAOL / My Yahoo / Bloglines.

Purchase a Land of Canoes T-Shirt

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The latest bombshell in the alarming trend of inventing alarming trends and complaining about them, then updating about them with a self-referential joke about the alarming trend of inventing alarming trends, is here. And by “here”, I mean the link after this paragraph, which as I type is rendering the word “here” increasingly irrelevant by drawing the link in question away from the close-to-immediate proximity “here” suggests.

Can I start this again? No? Then read on, fair reader, to discover Why Bus Drivers Should Stop Wearing Reindeer Antlers On Their Heads. It will blow your mind, damaging valuable brain cells and making your left arm twitch involuntarily.

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More Crap Comics
TRC’s Complete Public Transport Comedy Library

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Bung’s Guide to Public Transport

Posted on August 17th, 2004 by Mister Bung

I like to make life more exciting by exploiting the veritable wealth of hilarious situations that can take place on public transport, and now thanks to this ‘internet’ I learnt about at my last uni class, you can too!

Today’s lesson: Buses.

1) Wait for a near empty bus, preferably with only one other person riding. Get on the bus and stand at the front with a look of intense concentration on your face, as if you can’t decide where to sit. Remeber to brace yourself as the bus takes off (or not if you prefer). Take a seat next to the only other person on the bus, lean in closely and mention conspiritorally ‘He knows.’ Get off at the next stop.

2) As you get on the bus and are about to pay the fare, drop your change. Bend over to pick it up and freeze. Wait a while, then unfreeze. As you walk to your seat, freeze again. Repeat this through out the journey, especially in conversations.

3) Memorize passages from Speed.

  • ‘There’s gum on my seat…GUM!’
  • ‘Harry, there’s enough C-4 on this thing to put a hole in the world!’
  • ‘Jack, nothing tricky now. You know I’m on top of you! DO NOT attempt to grow a brain!’

Get on any bus, and make sure you sit as close to the driver as possible. The seats right behind him work well.

Start reciting the passages gradually getting louder as you get to your stop. Finish with ‘Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? ‘ Run.

4) Wait at the bus stop for your bus. As the bus pulls up and opens ask the driver if this bus goes to the Coruscant . When he says no, look at him as though the bus NOT going to Coruscant is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. Mention you’ll wait for the next one. If the driver says that no buses go there say ‘that’s what YOU think.’

So next time you have a boring public transport journey, remeber these simple tips to spice things up.

Outraged at the sheer AUDACITY of my mockery of public transport? Why not mail me with a suitable subject line, lest ye electronic mail be deleted post haste!

Related Links:
Crap Comic: Waiting For A Bus
Why Bus Drivers Should Stop Wearing Reindeer Antlers on their Heads

The mX Magazine Letters Page