It’s okay. You can unshield your eyes now. “Cadbury Creme Fantasies” was an incredibly subtle and elaborate joke.
We originally hoped to have it up on April Fools Day. Obviously, it wasn’t. Or perhaps it was, and the results were so horrifying our minds suppressed the very memory of the chocolate-coated trauma. Time (plus years of therapy and countless nights of waking up at 3am in a cold sweat) will tell.
Special thanks to TRC newcomer “Chris” for the idea and spectacular anti-erotic modelling work, and to “Rachelle” for also sacrificing her dignity (if quite enthusiastically) for shallow internet fame.
It’s back to business as usual, then! Watch this space:.
Well? Are you watching it?
For a celebrity, former Rubber Chicken contributor Blake Barham is remarkably humble. His brief stint at the late Nintendo Gamer magazine (a gig, I confess, that has attracted some jealousy from the rest of us) propelled him into a world of well-endowed cars and fast women. Yet he still finds the time to look back acknowledge those who helped him in the early days.
One such gesture arrived on my birthday. And by “gesture”, I mean “packet of Growing Pains trading cards from 1988″, complete with seventeen-year-old bubble gum. Thus began the adventure of a lifetime.
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One time, at the beach, I outlined my friend’s ribs in red ink on his back, and wrote “ribbed for your pleasure” underneath. We all laughed, and he couldn’t see what I had written, so it was at his expense and therefore double fun. Later on I bought some blue “soda pop”. I didn’t taste revolting, and I was very pleased. All in all, it was a day that changed my life, and made this the best summer ever.
If there’s one thing you can’t accuse George Lucas of, it’s poor marketing. The merchandising blitz promoting The Phantom Menace was huge – even larger if you happened to be an ant at the time. Even so, certain Star Wars merchandise fell by the wayside, gathering dust faster than anything out of Hoover Labs.
It’s news to me, but apparently not everybody enjoyed the antics of Jar Jar Binks. Why? Maybe the ironic juxtaposition of an unashamedly comedic character in a serious fantasy universe was too much for deeply-invested fans to handle. Maybe he lacked the charismatic mysteriousness of Boba Fett or the sex appeal of Bib Fortuna. Or maybe he was just fucking annoying.
For whatever reason, unwanted Jar Jar merchandise can still be found in bargain bins everywhere. Unwanted, that is, until now.
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