If there’s one thing that can be said about The Rubber Chicken, then I guess logically this sentence is it.
Luckily, that’s not the case. In fact, the things that can be said about this uproarious, delightful little cyber-corner of information-super-whimsy are probably as numerous (if not more-so) as the site’s oddly diverse readership. And I do use the word “oddly” with calculated discretion, because despite the fact that we make jokes all the time about how we have no readers, the fact is that we do have them. We have quite an inventory, honestly.
This is due to the fact that TRC is unusually well-Googled. People type things into search-engines, scan down the list of results and routinely choose our site as the solution to whatever quandary it is that’s driven them to type key-words into a text-box.
Driven by curiosity, boredom and hubris, I decided this month to take a peek at the man behind the curtain (this is a Wizard of Oz metaphor, not me walking in on a guy showering), and leaf through our visitation statistics for April 2007. Herein, I came upon the full list of keywords typed into search-engines like Google that then resulted in people clicking on us.
Below are some of the highlights, and boy do they present a nightmarish cross-section of the kind of people YOU apparently are. Bear in mind, you filthy cadre of rat-like degenerates, that I am not making up these search results for a laugh. This is honestly what you people are looking for when you end up finding us. May God have mercy on you.
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Remember the episode of the original (western) Power Rangers series where Tommy Oliver, the Green Ranger, lost his powers? Remember how devastated we all were? (And those of you who were too old/sensible to enjoy MMPR in 1995 were no doubt devastated in spirit, even if you thought you were happy at the time.) Remember how mundane the show seemed with only the original five Rangers again? Remember the exciement when Zordon introduced them to the brand new White Ranger and he took his mask off and Kimberly fainted and it turned out to be Tommy? Of course you do. Now, pretend our updates are the Green Ranger. Pretend Lord Zedd has stolen their powers… but only temporarily.
Though it would be downright pretentious to seriously compare our little updates to the excellence of Tommy Oliver, this serves as an apt comparison for the next few weeks. While those of us who regularly update will be busy with end-of-semester study for a couple of weeks, you need not faint, dear Metaphorical Kimberlies – soon we’ll be back, better than ever, and with a baffling talking dagger thing and armour that isn’t quite as cool without the original gold chestplate.
Luckily, Nick Sedillos of Swizzlestuck has zoomed to the rescue (or should I say… Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue? No.) with his own audio book version of the critically acknowledged Ultimate FanFiction Central Star Wars story Darth Maul’s Revenge. Nick has done an amazing job at capturing the essence of the story in a whole new medium, complete with incidental music.
Darth Maul’s Revenge – Chapter 1
(5mb MP3 Download)
Darth Maul’s Revenge – Chapter 2
(5.3mb MP3 Download)
(And be sure to thank Mr. Sedillos for his effort by checking out his comics!)
Visual treats from The Rubber Chicken’s ill-advised fake site replacement for April Fools’ Day 2002.
Thanks to all who contributed. You know who you are.
JOANA DARK IZ KEWL
“this is my best drawing ever! I made it of Joanna, from PErfect Dark, the greatest game ever from rare. this is the first time I’ve drawn her with clothes, tho.”
- jim treevault.
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