The Chicken Feed

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Proton pack is strapped.
Busting makes me feel good like
’80s Sig Weaver.

“Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame street?”

……………………-”Sesame Street” theme song. Written by Joe Raposo, Jon Stone & Bruce Hart

Ever since Sesame Street debuted in 1969, this question has haunted us relentlessly. This says a lot for our obsession, because we weren’t born until the 80s. For you see, while the universally beloved children’s show cheerfully asks the question, it never actually divulges the answer.

How do you get Sesame Street?

Today we’re going to find out the only way we know how: by asking every awesome celebrity who will care to listen. Meanwhile, Aussie Ben will try to combine them into a single coherent answer. A recipe for madness, or a salmon cake of bitter disappointment? You be the judge.

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Virtuaikus 2: Cosmiku

Posted on October 15th, 2003 by Chad McCanna

When I read Hyle’s original Virtuaikus, a sense of wonder came over me. Here was the perfect format in which to express my feelings for the Virtual Boy, and I had never realized it. Of course, since he covered looking to the past, the nostalgia of the Virtual Boy, I thought I would tackle a subject even more near and dear to my heart.

And so I present to you, a fifteen-haiku epic chronicling my training to become a Galactic Warrior, as sanctioned and mentored by Mac Tonight, the MOONMAN.

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Posted on October 12th, 2003 by Hyle Russell

Salutations, and it’s nice to meet all of you. I’m Hyle Russell, white supremacist, and I’m going to take you on a journey through the mind’s soul, where terrible poetry is the in-flight meal. How do you feel about Virtual Boy? If you don’t like Virtual Boy, then I’m afraid we can never wed (and your biological clock is ticking, woman!).

Nintendo’s Virtual Boy is perhaps the most unappreciated video game system of all time. Most of the people who criticize it have never played it, and only do so because of ignorant gaming critics, and they only hate it because they never gave it a chance to begin with.

All of the ridiculous rumors that go along with it, like the system causing you to go blind, are false.  (The system provides an Automatic Pause feature that give your eyes a rest.)  Plus, there were several highly addictive and fun games that were released in the system’s short lifespan, the top of the heap being Galactic Pinball and Virtual Boy Wario Land.

Us Virtual Boy defenders are a select few, and I figured the most eloquent way of expressing my admiration for the red and black friend is to write fifteen Haikus (what else?) set during the time of its American release. Affectionately, I’ve dubbed these “Virtuaikus.”

Now sit back and pretend it’s August 1995 all over again…

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