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Has Anyone Seen My Tamborine?

Posted on October 31st, 2009 by Alastair Craig

This accidentally reversed portion of Podcast 207: Mister Podcast’s Neighborhood* chills me to the bone.  On this hallowed eve, I entrust it to you.  God bless.

Bonus MP3: Tim Curry – Anything Can Happen on Halloween
(from The Worst Witch)

*”Soon”.



CONGRATULATIONS!

Posted on November 25th, 2005 by Ben K

CONGRATULATIONS TO KARLA GURNEY, THE FIRST PERSON TO PURCHASE AN EROTIC CHAD PILLOW FROM The Rubber Chicken Store!

The Rubber Chicken (www.n-chicken.net) respects the privacy of its readers in compliance with the Federation Trade Act (CMWTH 1935). Please contact our legal department for more information. The client in question has contacted us and would like to add that she is not a bald man with stubble.



Not an insane lunatic. Just misunderstood.

Posted on October 26th, 2005 by Ben K

Weeks later, Paradigm took to the drink and would often be found sobbing in his own urine.



Now, I know what you’re thinking.  How is it that God made me so much weaker and more pathetic than everyone else?  How long is it before everything I’ve worked to build for myself fails, and I’m left a vacant stall of a human with nothing but a stool-sample to be proud of?  Where did I go wrong?

Well, you’re drinking dairy, that’s where. You SHOULD be drinking Silk. And here’s why.

MAINTAINING A HEALTHY PROSTATE WITH SOY

The prostate, like the Cadillac, is an important part of the male reproductive system. It’s a gland about the size of a Zulu Shrunken Head that surrounds the urethra (the tube that carries urine from the bladder to the toilet seat, and areas up to a meter around the bowl) and lies at the base of the bladder. This gland secretes about 25% of the seminal fluid that is combined with sperm during Friday On Showcase. This prostatic fluid protects and energizes sperm, like a Super Mushroom in Mario World. Increased growth of the prostate can sometimes lead to health problems such as BPH (Big-time Prostate Hurtin’) – a benign enlargement of the prostate that causes uncomfortable symptoms – and possibly impolite laughter and ridicule among your peers.

Soy foods can protect your prostate. Some studies indicate that even one glass of soymilk every day is enough to provide your prostate with the protective benefits of soy. Other studies indicate that these first studies are biased, but statistics say that these studies are unreliable, due to their bias toward reliability, which, like any bias, is unreliable unless proven otherwise by various studies. According to a study at Loma Linda University, men who consumed soymilk at least once per day had a 70% reduced risk of developing prostate cancer, and were gay.

Don’t take chances with your prostate! If you’re going to bet a lot of money on one game of poker, leave your prostate in the hotel room! You remember those weird, spasmic ass-pains you were having, Alastair Robert Craig of 14 Earl Av, Brisbane, QLD? That’s your God-damned Prostate! Are you listening to me, dammit?

Related Links: SexChat with the Formless Underlord of the Crimson Kingdom



Halo? More Like Cello!

Posted on November 10th, 2004 by Ben K

As you may have guessed, things have been running a bit slow lately, and we’re also slack. But mainly busy. Really. I’m not apologizing for this, because that’s what we would have done in 2002 (seriously, take a look at the updates – it’s delightfully naive). Instead, to help the excellent Scott with his workload (in addition to being totally kickarse, doing the art, and PHP, he ALSO does MYSTERY OTHER THINGS, like steal lamp posts), I have taken it upon myself to hire two new staff members.

They are two kittens, and I figure, hey why not, everyone loves a kitten. Also, they arrived in a basket. FROM OUTER SPACE! And went past The Tardis! I’ve been assured that these kittens can do anything. And God damn are they cute. So, the kitten on the left (Oscar) will be assistant artist, while the kitten on the right (Mittens) will be helping out with the PHP.

Please be sure to be friendly to them as they are a bit shy, but I’ve assured them that you’re all cool. So you’d better not disappoint me in front of the kittens.

No, seriously, I just couldn’t take that.



Dear Readers

Posted on November 4th, 2004 by Alastair Craig

I have worked on The Rubber Chicken for almost five years now, and it has been a wonderful experience. There is also a saying: all good things must come to an end.

Just thought you’d like to know.

Yours Sincerely,

Alastair “HappyBob” Craig
Directing Editorial Webmaster-In-Chief
The Rubber Chicken

http://www.n-chicken.net

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One time, at the beach, I outlined my friend’s ribs in red ink on his back, and wrote “ribbed for your pleasure” underneath. We all laughed, and he couldn’t see what I had written, so it was at his expense and therefore double fun. Later on I bought some blue “soda pop”. I didn’t taste revolting, and I was very pleased. All in all, it was a day that changed my life, and made this the best summer ever.



I’m going outside. I may be a while.

Posted on July 3rd, 2004 by Mr. Karl

I met Sally Phillips once. Bumped into her in a lingerie shop – she was buying nipple clamps and wanted help trying them out. First though, she gently carressed my supple, perfectly pert and rounded breasts. Never got to find out what happened next, I woke up and my next dream was about sharks.



INTERMISSION

Posted on February 1st, 2004 by Alastair Craig