I woke up last Monday morning to turn on the television and expect some quality entertainment. Instead of being treated to the latest of episode of Sailor Moon and Dragonball Z Go On a Date and Meet That Kid From Pokémon, I received only static. What was causing this problem? Mickey Mouse? Alan Jones? The Aliens that come out of your stomach and shred your insides? The Trick Master from Pokémon Ruby? There was only one way to find out, and that was to seek guidance from others.
Soon enough, I was on the Internet and for some reason being led to a website about creating your own conspiracy theories. I filled in the appropriate fields, and my suspicions were soon created validated – there was a conspiracy afoot! And if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a walking conspiracy on the loose. The other thing I can’t stand are bad puns, so I’ll soon be taking this article up with the editors. After a bit more digging, I was led to the button that starts up AOL Instant Messenger. AH HA! Surely my answer would lie there, in the eternal limbo of pointless information itself? And after a short seven hour wait, (and several exercises of the ‘Block’ button) who should appear but one Alastair “HappyBob” Craig? With a great suspicion, I plunged forth and sent forward the accusations:
Aussie Ben Work: I knew it! You’re the one that’s jamming my television antenna signals and in turn causing chaos and exposing me to subliminal mind-altering static! You can’t lie to me. YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME!!!
HappyBobTRC64: I’ll bet you’ve unplugged your antenna again, haven’t you. You spanner.
Aussie Ben Work: I have done no such thing! And to prove you wrong, I’m going to check right now.
Half an hour passes.
Aussie Ben Work: Shut up.
And so solved…
The Mystery of the Spoilt Marmalade
Next Episode:The Mystery of the Missing Telephone Cable That Someone Borrowed
Title art by Scott McQuaig. Van by Amanda Schroeder.