The Chicken Feed

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In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?
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Poetry Night: Blood For Oil

Posted on September 27th, 2008 by Chad McCanna

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Tonight on The James & Andrey Improvise Things Show:
Michael Carmichael, CEO of Carmichael Canned Goods, defends his controversial decision to market processed vegetables to the eternally damned by opening a portal into Hell.

Revised Edition
Now with a tantalising trailer of terrifying events to come!

Compiled by Andrey Summers
Additional material and editing by Alastair Craig

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CLOVERFIELD WAS A INSIDE JOB!!!!

Posted on February 12th, 2008 by Andrey Summers

Thanks for reading my blog everyone, lets see how long it stays up before the CIA or the FBI step in and shut me down, but I’m gonna tell you right now that what I have to say isn’t a conspiracy theory. It’s the total 100% truth and once you see the proof and you open your eyes you will know that there’s no way for them to deny it.

CLOVERFIELD WAS A INSIDE JOB!

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Dogs of Console War

Posted on November 25th, 2006 by Andrey Summers

As usually happens when HappyBob nips out to take the air, the website falls into what one might politely call a slumber. This time, however, having tasted the exhilirating zest of podcasting, Ben and I find ourselves feeling guilty.

Guilty, if you’ll believe it, about neglecting YOU. Yes, you, sole remaining reader/listener.

With this in mind, we’ve returned to the archaic medium of the written word, in order to do epic battle over which console is the spunkiest: PS3, or Nintendo Wii.

Oh you’d best be ready, son. You’d best be ready.

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Self Portrait: The TRCFM Anthem

Posted on August 13th, 2006 by Gord Myren

The manic closing song of Podcast 104: Podcast Goes Hawaiian.

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Music written and performed by Gord Myren.
Lyrics written and performed by Andrey Summers.
Recorded by the Red Square Collective

More songs from The Rubber Chicken Podcast

Lyrics after the jump

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The Candid Turtle: A TMNT Exposé

Posted on March 24th, 2006 by Andrey Summers

Oftentimes, we wonder: what aren’t they showing us on the television? When we see American troops marching triumphantly through some deserted part of Iraq that isn’t actually of strategic importance, where is the TRUTH being hidden?

No doubt you often think along the same lines when considering the 1990′s Ninja Turtles cartoon.

Well, fret no more, spawnlings. The truth is finally out.

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You may have noticed that Something Awf The Rubber Chicken’s poll has been closed down for nearly eight billion years, displaying the mysterious message “closed while we search for a poll service that hasn’t whored itself to pop-up adver-

Okay, the message is way too long, and is a lie anyway so I’m not going to bother trying to remember the rest of it. Instead, here’s the dirty and somewhat obvious truth: nobody’s been searching for anything. In fact, the “administration” here (hahahahahahahahahahaha) has gladly forgotten all about its extinct poll the same way they cried their crocodile tears about September 11th, and then partnered with Halliburton during the privatization of Iraq. You’re probably wondering where Chad is. Well, he’s in an oil derrick outside Fellujah (Microsoft Word Dictionary: “Elijah?”).

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