The Chicken Feed

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In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?
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The Business of Evil

Posted on November 26th, 2008 by Andrey Summers

A one-act play by Andrey Summers.
With a cast including TRC veterans Michael Cope, James Simpson, and Adam “Perry the Puppet Pal” Pateman.



Casino Royale is not a James Bond film. It has a character in it named “James” (which is a fairly common name) and his last name happens to be “Bond”, which I suppose is some coincidence, but that’s pretty-much where the similarity ends. This bold new reboot of the Bond mythos has foregone campy humor, funky gadgets and delicious innuendo in favor of a brooding, bloody-fisted spy with a fractured psyche. In this manner, Casino Royale has taken the admirable step away from self-parody and toward direct thievery of the Jason Bourne franchise.

But fear not. Apparently this is what the public wants. At no time was I more attuned to this blood-curdling fact than when Harry Knowles, Demon Emperor of Ain’t It Cool News got a whiff of the Variety story (AICN shuns the term Variety, preferring to instead refer to the trade paper as “one of our top LA operatives”) claiming Eddie Murphy was going to attempt raping a dead horse and do another Beverly Hills Cop movie.

Knowles, a beacon (I accidentally typed ‘bacon’ at first) in the tundra of “geek culture” responded to this news with the following fucked up shit:

“After watching Eddie’s performance in DREAMGIRLS – I can say, without hesitation that this could be a brilliant career move. Make Foley a badass, burnt out – possibly retired – having to face down one last investigation… Making the action hurt, making Murphy foul again. And don’t bring back Serge. Kill Billy in the opening sequence and start from there.”

Is there any comprehension up there of what the Beverly Hills Cop series is actually supposed to be about? I’m beginning to suspect that if people like this had their way, every cop, secret agent, and social worker character in every franchise would inevitably turn into Max Payne. In lieu of the imminence of such a dystopian hell, I have crafted what one might call a forecast. A grim warning of things to come, if we don’t take action and place improvised explosives on the rails used by the Hollywood supply-trains. In other words…

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“Panda Three to Control – I’ve just spotted a silver hovercraft
being chased by an old crock at 90mph, and there’s a little tiny helicopter after ‘em both! I’m in pursuit! Over.”

Planet of the Spiders (Part Two)
Written by Robert Sloman & Barry Letts
Starring John Pertwee & Elisabeth Sladen
And introducing Stuart Fell as “Tramp Under Hovercraft”

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The World is Not Enough – Nintendo 64 Review

Posted on December 1st, 2000 by HMB

The Rubber Chicken began life as a Nintendo review website with silly animations. As a service to curious Google searchers, we have kept the best-written reviews of selected obscurer games in the archive.

If this isn’t what you’re after: hey, turns out we’re a comedy website now.

twine0

A review by Hu Man Bing

The World is Not Enough, self-confessedly abbreviated to TWINE, is the Eurocom follow up to the N64 FPS legend, Goldeneye. Now freely available to both US and UK players, N64 owners everywhere have their chance to once again be Bond, in three dimensions.

A similar question hangs over this title as did over Perfect Dark, released circa half a year in advance – how does it compare with Goldeneye? Many even showed their early scepticism of the title by phrasing the question “Will it be any good?”

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