Alastair: Once more, TRC alumn and newly baptised podcast initiate Chad McCanna was kind enough to travel back in time to a 2004 poetry night to help pad out this slow, rhyme-deprived month. Ta, love.
This edition is dedicated to The Other Guy From “Wham!“
Still doing a wonderful job of not being George Michael.
Firstly, it’s high time I acknowledged our Star Wars fan readership:
If any Rubber Chicken readers…
Actually, if I may digress for a moment (ignoring that this update is essentially one embarassingly large digression – but I digress) we really need a proper name for Rubber Chicken fans. “Achickenados” has a certain awkward charm. If you have any better suggestions, please get in touch.
Now if I’d kindly stop interrupting…
If any of you tentatively-titled achickenados live in Brisbane, Australia, you can find me queuing up for Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith at the Queen Street Mall Regent Cinemas from late tomorrow afternoon until midnight. I’ll be the bloodied corpse in the gutter, bludgeoned to death by plastic lightsabres, wearing the traditional home-made “Jar Jar Binks Sombrero” costume.
It’s been lovely knowing you all.
This edition is dedicated to the cast of popular Australian Sitcom “Hey, Dad!”
For giving us an excuse to go outside between 1986 – 1994.
In our ongoing series Stolen Image Trickery: Preventing Hotlinking & Bandwidth Theft, we aimed to deter those remotely linking to pictures on our webspace in the most entertaining and embarrassing way possible. Today, we bring the tomfoolery to a fresh and expressive new medium.
If there’s one thing you can’t accuse George Lucas of, it’s poor marketing. The merchandising blitz promoting The Phantom Menace was huge – even larger if you happened to be an ant at the time. Even so, certain Star Wars merchandise fell by the wayside, gathering dust faster than anything out of Hoover Labs.
It’s news to me, but apparently not everybody enjoyed the antics of Jar Jar Binks. Why? Maybe the ironic juxtaposition of an unashamedly comedic character in a serious fantasy universe was too much for deeply-invested fans to handle. Maybe he lacked the charismatic mysteriousness of Boba Fett or the sex appeal of Bib Fortuna. Or maybe he was just fucking annoying.
For whatever reason, unwanted Jar Jar merchandise can still be found in bargain bins everywhere. Unwanted, that is, until now.
The exclusive leaked script for George Lucas’s upcoming 2005 return to his student film roots.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….
A VERY BIG EXPLOSION
After three years of combat, the treacherous CLONE WARS have finally come to an end. Anakin Skywalker, young padawan of General Obi-Wan Kenobi, has slain the villainous Count Dooku and become a full-fledged Jedi Knight. During the height of combat, Anakin managed to impregnate his wife Padme Amidala through a BROKEN CONDOM. On the cusp of childbirth, C-3P0 and Senator Jar Jar Binks have rushed the bride of Skywalker to Coruscant General Hospital where she’s nearing the end of her exhaustive labor….
Visual treats from The Rubber Chicken’s ill-advised fake site replacement for April Fools’ Day 2002.
Thanks to all who contributed. You know who you are.
JOANA DARK IZ KEWL
“this is my best drawing ever! I made it of Joanna, from PErfect Dark, the greatest game ever from rare. this is the first time I’ve drawn her with clothes, tho.”
- jim treevault.
Jar Jar is red like a sheet,
He’s the nicest Gungan you’ll ever meet,
Jar Jar, Jar Jar, you’re so great
Fortnightly you should exfoliate.
When you want a mighty warrior, look not for a Jedi man,
For you’ll find no greater fighter than the noble Gungan clan.
Almighty Jar Jar Binks was the greatest of them all,
As he charged with the Jedi into battle, he stood up straight and tall.
So when you think of pride, remember true that day,
Of the mighty fighting that is the strong, proud Jar Jar way.
This silent unsung hero, remembered by a select few
Had the brains, the courage, to do what none else could do.
I wish I had a tongue as long as Jar Jar Binks,
For with it I could do all sorts of clever things.
I could eat in the McDonalds drive through
I could eat while in the grass
But best of all I could even lick my
Ice cream cone.
Jar Jar Binks is really sweet,
I’d like to meet him on the street.
If I did I’d shake his hand
And tell him I’m a fan so grand.
Everybody picks on Jar Jar, but he’s my special friend
We’ve got a special friendship that will never end.
He tells me that I look the best
In my lovely white buckled vest.
He likes how meals come three times a day
Nice and neat on a silver tray.
And what he likes the best of all
Are my lovely soft white padded walls.
Art by Vulcan_Wookie37
Watch poem #2 read aloud at an open microphone night.
Marvel as we trick the world’s media with a fake Star Wars casting rumour.
Explore some of The Rubber Chicken’s best work from the past decade. (It’s even better than this.)
Or sample our sketch comedy radio series.