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We at The Rubber Chicken have long considered the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon a few edits and a laugh track away from being the perfect sitcom.  Even the voice actors openly recognise villains Krang and Shredder as the classic bickering married couple.  Now if only somebody would get rid of those pesky turtles, we could finally enjoy TMNT as the romantic adventure-comedy it was clearly destined to be.

We have the technology.

If you enjoyed this video, be sure to check out some of our previous TMNT posts, including an illustrated tribute to Krang, the Turtles’ victory over Global Warming, or a warts-and-all look at their scandallous private lives.

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In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?
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When we last left our heroes, their spacecraft was proportionately high on danger and low on mathematical aides.

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The recipe for a good episode of television is a tricky one to define, until by the purest chance, we happened across it on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season Four DVD. (Guess it had to be somewhere, right?) Now we have experienced the dizzying heights of octogenarian supervillains, environmentally aware turtles and scantily-clad April O’Neils, every other show has been exposed for the hollow sham it really is.

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This episode: seductive biscuits, a decrepit old crone and the world of literature explored gangsta-style.

Includes the sketches:
Jane & The Decrepit Old Crone
Honest John’s Homicidal Bargains
Literacy Rap
…and more!

Compiled by Tim Morrison and Alastair Craig

Directly Download MP3

Subscribe to TRC Podcast to stay up-to-date with new shows.
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Purchase a Land of Canoes T-Shirt

Continue reading for episode commentary.

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The Candid Turtle: A TMNT Exposé

Posted on March 24th, 2006 by Andrey Summers

Oftentimes, we wonder: what aren’t they showing us on the television? When we see American troops marching triumphantly through some deserted part of Iraq that isn’t actually of strategic importance, where is the TRUTH being hidden?

No doubt you often think along the same lines when considering the 1990′s Ninja Turtles cartoon.

Well, fret no more, spawnlings. The truth is finally out.

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So I left it a little late. So what? It’s not like anyone’s even remotely interested in Street Sharks anyway. Trust me on this. There are literally NO fan sites of any kind about this mediocre 90s kids’ show which was a blatant rip-off of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know this because of my extensive twenty second search on Google.  (Please don’t find me some obscure Street Sharks website to prove me wrong.  I really don’t care.)

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Krang: A Tribute

Posted on December 14th, 2005 by Ben K

With many hours of toil, and the assistance of artist extroidanaire Klobber, The Rubber Chicken is proud to present to you, the viewing public, Krang: A Tribute.

So join us, won’t you, as we explore the history and the delightful quirks of everyone’s favouritest burbling, giggling homicidal megalomaniac of a brain with razor sharp teeth that slots neatly into the belly of a gigantic naked robot android.
Honestly, how can ANYONE not like the Classic Ninja Turtles cartoon? Seriously?

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Get Carter: TMNT Season 10, Continued

Posted on September 5th, 2004 by Ben K

Part two of Get Carter, Ben’s expose on the little-seen tenth season of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series.

Thought you’d seen the last of Season Ten and its horrible gaping plot holes, continuity errors and general rape of the series? It’s not over yet! And no, there’s still no sign of Shredder OR Krang. Here’s a pearl of Krang wisdom to tide you over.

“Next time I want to take over the world, I’m teaming up with an accountant.”

It’s like a shot of Morphine, isn’t it?

Back at Dregg’s spaceship, hillariously titled ‘The Dreggnought’, we see Dregg explaining his latest evil plot to Mung – although, let’s face it, he’s really explaining it to the audience that hasn’t already left. First off, Dregg quickly covers up that his last plan was a failure with this brilliant adlib:

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