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Song Download: Ocean in My Head

Posted on December 30th, 2005 by Chris Shadforth

Another Goddamn Sea Shanty by Ferdinand Magellan & HappyBob
Guest saxophonizing by Anthony Craig

The ocean. It’s big. It’s yellow. And it’s got a melodic edge sharper than a pirate’s blade.  Today, we pay our respects to that great big loveable mass of H2O in the medium of song.  The ocean, we salute you!

Download MP3

Lyrics after the jump.

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A Formal Apology on behalf of Aussie Ben to Uri Geller and the cast of “Bikini Party Summer”:
The internet needed more Irma.



History’s Greatest Procrastinators
(Next week: History’s Greatest Masturbators)

A forward by Alastair “HappyBob” Craig, Editor of TheRubberChickeN64.

  • In 1964, Brian Wilson began work on The Beach Boys’ would-be magnum opus: Smile. A direct answer to The Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, this classic album could have changed music history were it not aborted following a series of complications and a nervous breakdown from Wilson himself. The Next Big Thing in rock ‘n’ roll was reduced to a mildly interesting footnote in musical history… until now. In 2004, Brian confronted his demons and recorded the album from scratch, creating a wonderful, timeless masterpiece that was well worth the wait. Finally, his vision was complete.
  • Throughout the 1990s, writer and comic mastermind Douglas Adams struggled to organise a film adaptation of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. “The Hollywood process,” he once remarked, “is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people come into the room and breathe on it”. Sadly, Adams passed away before he could see his pet project become a reality, with the movie showing few signs of progress… until now. In 2005, The Hitchhiker’s Guide finally saw completion in the capable hands of Garth Jennings, who created something arguably worthy of the late Adams’ memory.
  • In 2000, Adam “The Phantom Spoon” Severgnini was bored on a bus trip to high school.  To pass the time, he penned a review of Rare’s newly released Perfect Dark for TheRubberChickeN64, the newly-launched Nintendo review / silly animation hub we started together.  He passed it to me on the assumption that I’d type it up that afternoon. Tragically, I forgot, and his notes sat ignored in the bottom of a box under my bed… until now.

Ladyfolk and gentlebeings, you are about to witness history itself unfolding. We are gathered here today for the WORLD PREMIERE of that famous unfinished masterpiece, five years late, but forever ageless in its beauty:

The Phantom Spoon’s EXCLUSIVE Review of Perfect Dark: GoldenEye 2!

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Before we embraced the world of sound with – let’s not lie here – a pretty boot-bottomly bitchin’ podcast, we had several less advisable attempts at musicianship. While we had a lot to learn in the ways of musical timing and audio editing, we hope you still enjoy these tracks in the intended spirit of amateurish fun.

To hear some competently produced tunes, check out these Songs from the Podcast.

Friedrich Nietzsche might be a household name, but does anyone really know how to pronounce it?  We took on the issue head-on through an impossible-to-ignore medium: the sea shanty.

Download Yo Ho! (The Nietzsche Pronunciation Seafaring Blues)
Download Yo Ho! (Hip-Hop Reprise)

Lyrics after the jump.

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Well amputate my armadillo and send me back to ‘Nam, Prudence – it’s that time of month again! With precious hours remaining of Do Something Controversial Day in non-Australian (and, I would argue, lesser) time zones, we once again take the freefall plunge towards that certain, splattery doom we like to call “indecency”.

Avert your eyes, elderly women. Grasp that flask of holy water for dear life, Catholic priests. For our younger readers, we cannot take responsibility for the lifelong emotional damage that can and will follow. Proceed with caution – or suicidal recklessness, whichever suits you – to our first Daily Petition.

(Those of you not familiar with Nikki Webster’s work can find more information here, and the offending photo shoot, which is mercifully unrevealing and disturbing only on principle, here. Although we strongly advise you don’t.)

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Lee Thomas (joined by Microsoft founder Bill Gates, teen heartthrob actor Tim Curry, taco damage surveyor Meowth, and a Pirate Ghost) at a recent press conference, announcing his plans to humiliate The Rubber Chicken over Xbox Live.

If there’s one vice we take pride in, it’s Bungholio‘s award-winning collection of interesting scabs. But if there were two, the second would be our habit of taking minor complaints and blowing them wildly and inappropriately out of proportion. Consider the curious case of one Lee Thomas. (Hi Lee!) In 2003 Mr. Thomas objected to our use of his photograph for a comic. Never mind that the joke wasn’t defamatory in any way whatsoever. Nor that the photo itself was in the public domain. And certainly not that we clearly focussed on Bill Gates, not the handsome young competition winner next to him. Nevertheless, he wanted closure …and got it.

Overkill? Of course. But not without precedent.  No, it appears we weren’t the first to have a platonic Lee Thomas infatuation.

Ladies, gentlemen and David Sanborne of Naperville, Illinois; I give you Exhibit B: The Golden D, the second solo album by ex-Blur guitarist Graham Coxon (pictured left, in a Sailor Moon costume). Listen to the first track’s opening and you’ll hear a suspiciously familiar name being spoken repeatedly. I wouldn’t recommend actually buying the CD, on account of it being a pretentious load of wank. (Although his latest album, Happiness in Magazines is a great listen. Fans of Blur, and especially Coffee & TV, will love it. Highly recommended. Four stars.) So to save your valuable time, money and rock snob dignity, I have uploaded this bite-sized snippet for your aural pleasure.

Behold!
(251kb MP3 Download)

I later realized the song was actually called “Jamie Thomas” and I probably just misheard it. Maybe Lee forced them to change it by threatening legal action. But probably not. Still – food for thought! Tasteless, unfulfilling food, but food nonetheless.



Alastair: In 2004, legal issues brought Paris Hilton’s potential hit song “Screwed” to a halt. It seems fellow aspiring teen idol Haylie “Sister Of Hillary” Duff had already recorded the song the year before, and therefore owned the rights to the performance.

While we cynics can be thankful, please spare a thought for those legitimately interested in hearing Hilton’s vocal talents. It is for their benefit that we arranged this compromise – a faithful cover of the song from our own, equally talented musician, Glancy.

Paris Hilton – Screwed.MP3

“My cowriter Kara and I had never imagined that our little pop song could sound so… well….. unique!
Definitely a braver rendering than any pop diva could give. Bravo, Glancy.”

-Greg Wells, Grammy-nominated writer/producer and co-writer of “Screwed”, TRC Mailbag

Terms & Conditions

  • The Rubber Chicken will not accept responsibility for readers accidentally circulating this MP3 on file-sharing networks, where it might accidentally be mistaken for the real song.  Though we wholeheartedly encourage it.  Not sure why we were trying to be subtle with those italics there.
  • The Rubber Chicken does not condone, under any circumstances, actually listening to the above MP3.  Not even kidding here.

For entertainment easier on the ears, check out The Rubber Chicken’s Excellent Podcast.



Ten Reasons Why Tim Curry Is Awesome

Posted on October 12th, 2004 by Ben K

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Peter Andre: The Official Biography

Posted on April 1st, 2004 by Mister Bung

Peter Andre was born to Sergio Olgan Andre, a one armed carpenter who specialized in wooden sculptures of barnyard animals, and Peppita Joule Andre, an average housewife with the power of invisibility, on February 27th, 1973 in London, England. Born into a harsh lifestyle, Peter became his father’s apprentice at the age of 2, and every day after school he worked as a replacement arm for the carpenter. Even though the work was fulfilling, Peter knew what he wanted to do – have a fleeting musical career and record a one hit wonder.

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In the Celebrity Burning Question series, we contact as many celebrities or obscure parties as possible with one of life’s great questions. This edition: what do the birds and the bees really DO?


Ever since Jewel Akens sang “The Birds and the Bees” in the mid-1960s, we’ve all wondered what, exactly, the Birds and the Bees actually did. As the Bees and the Birds are quite clearly two different species, presumably with incompatible size and sexual behaviour, any intimate act would clearly be uncomfortable, if not impossible. No siree, this is a cover for something far more complex. We have vowed to solve this Burning Question the only way possible: by emailing assorted celebrities and entirely inappropriate parties.


Just a few of the experts we contacted:

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