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As ancient terrors from the deep infiltrate sleepy suburbia, Stephen Hawking and Satan debate Bewitched casting.  Hardcore Holmes makes the ultimate edgy sacrifice, the inventor of the Time Phone wages an awkward war against himself, and legendary impaler Vlad Tepes takes on his biggest enemy yet: Zoning Bylaws.

Meanwhile, in the writers’ room, the creators of a sketch-comedy podcast embark on a sprawling metafictional odyssey equal parts hilarious, confusing and TERRIFYINGLY APOCALYPTIC.

Big Explosions!  Brain-Sucking Monsters!  Car Chases!  Wailing Guitars!  Taxidermy!  Awkward, Potentially Homoerotic Domestic Situations!  A Ham Sandwich!  All this and oh-so-much more in this massive, charmingly convoluted labour of love, two comically on-and-off years in the making.

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Written by
Tim Morrison, Andrey Summers and Alastair Craig

Original Music
Taxidermists from a Parallel Universe written and produced by Alastair Craig.
Lead vocals by Christopher Shadforth

Episode produced by Alastair Craig



This episode: a mysterious gunshot in the night, an interview with a real live female, and a library that is not a library …or is it?

Includes the sketches:
The Mystery of the Exploding Butler
Not a Library
The Andrey’s Single & Depressed Show
Splicey Dicey
Abstract Emancipation of the Inner Canoe
…and more!

Episode compiled by Alastair Craig

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Dear Formless Underlord,

Last night, the galpal was, to put it bluntly, totally horny. Seriously. Like [DAMNED] rabbits that have sex SO MUCH. Thing is, she was all, “Henceforth!, thou shalt insert thine instrument of power into mine orifice of victory!”, and I was all, “The [DAMNED] you sayin’, [DAMNED]?” I totally love my girl, don’t get me wrong- But when she wants to, as they say on TV, “bump buoy” (As I tell myself, think about it and take it any way you want), she starts talking really crazy. All I want to hear is a normal “[DAMNED] me”, none of this Rennaissance [DAMNED]. How do I teach my woman the proper linguistics of love?

With much ado,
Deejay Zero-Gravity Orgasm.

HAIL MORTAL DEEJAY ZERO-GRAVI-ZERO-WHAT?
FIRST, INSECT, AN APOLOGY FOR THE CRIMSON CENSOR’S DAMNATION OF AN ENTIRE BRANCH OF YOUR LEXICON. UNDERSTAND: THE BORDERLESS SUFFERING IN THE REALM OF BURNING NIGHT IS BAD ENOUGH WITHOUT THE ADDED BURDEN OF YOUR CUSSING. NOW, HUMAN, YOUR ANSWER. CRAVE YOU SIMPLICITY IN YOUR OTHER’S COITAL SOLILOQUIES? THEN YOU YOURSELF MUST ASSUME THE MANTLE OF WORDSMITH. DEMAND THAT YOUR OTHER PROSTRATE HERSELF BEFORE YOU AND PREPARE FOR TORMENT UN-BELIEVED BY THE MULTITUDE AND UNHEARD BY YOUR SILENT GOD. SO DWARFED WILL BE HER MIND AND STILL HER HEART THAT VERILY SHALL YOU CARRY OUT YOUR DARK TASK IN SILENCE.

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Dear Formless Underlord,
My friend who happens to be a girl and I have known each other for 17 years. Over the course of a year, me and her have become very…close. Problem is that she doesn’t want to put out despite us knowing each other all our lives. What words of seduction would you recommend for me to whisper in her ear to get the piece of the pie?
Thanks,
lightjohn4

HAIL MORTAL LIGHTHOUSE!
SEVENTEEN OF YOUR AIMLESS EARTHLY “YEARS” AMOUNT ONLY TO THE LENGTH OF TIME IT TAKES FOR THE FESTERING WRETCH-SPAWN OF THE OX-SERPENT TO HEAVE A SINGLE, ANGUISHED, BREATH. PERHAPS IN HER MISGUIDED IGNORANCE YOUR OTHER CLINGS TO VIRGINITY AS THOUGH IT MEANT MORE THAN WHAT IT TRULY IS: A BIT OF DEAD SKIN ACTING ONLY AS FORESHADOWING OF YOUR GRIM, DUSTY, FUTURE. EXPLAIN THE ABOVE TO HER- PERHAPS USING THIS EXACT TERMINOLOGY – AND I AM CERTAIN THAT SOON YOU SHALL BE SERVICED AS YOUR WILL BEHOOVES.

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Ten Reasons Why Tim Curry Is Awesome

Posted on October 12th, 2004 by Ben K

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Highlights from The Rubber Chicken’s Stolen Image Trickery series, in which we exact mild revenge on bloggers remotely hotlinking our pictures, with allegedly hilarious results.

A quick educational brief on the Magical World of Bandwidth! When I pay the US$60 per year required to host The Rubber Chicken, those expenses cover a certain amount of downloads from the page per month. When somebody posts an image from our webspace on another site or forum, that person is effectively stealing.  Enter karma: it also means we have complete power over what appears on their side. We’ve tracked down two such offenders, thieving bandwidth like the filthy bandwidth thieves they are.

Let’s have some fun.

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THE TRUTH BEHIND HARRY POTTER!

Posted on July 5th, 2003 by Alastair Craig

A guest essay by Ethel J. Roberts, Author & Critic.

I recently paid a visit to my local shopping centre to confront my local supermarket about the price of a recently-purchased jar of rhubarb, and was sick and disgusted at what I found. Hundreds of children, all lining up like lemmings for the new instalment of The Adventures of Harry Potter: Boy Wizard. This controversial book series has been boycotted by tens of millions of readers worldwide for its promotion of witchcraft. Despite the overwhelming pressure on bookstores and libraries to ban the series, the authorities continue to sit by idly while our youth are secretly corrupted and brainwashed with blatantly pagan and un-Christian ideals.

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Happy Adventure: Blooper Reel

Posted on January 25th, 2001 by Alastair Craig

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