The Chicken Feed

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Happy New Year!

Posted on January 1st, 2006 by Ben K

While everyone else was partying all New Year’s Eve and drinking themselves blind last night, what was I doing? Well of course, I was watching the ground-breaking Subterano on Channel Nine – starring Heartbreak High‘s Alex Dimitriades and Blue Heelers’ Tasma Walton.

And what a quality piece of work it is! The movie is two hours of PEOPLE STUCK IN A CARPARK. But what makes is great is the hilariously awful acting, and the killer robots along with the cute little robot with the high pitched voice that eventually gets melted. One robot cuts off an old security guard’s feet after he begs for his life. THEN, another robot with a drill bit on the end zooms up to his head and drills him right in the eye!!!

Apparently it’s based on some comic or video game or something, I don’t know, I was blinded by the bad acting and the over-the-top death scenes. Like the one where the kid got sliced in half in the elevator.

But the best bit would have to be the end – you see Conrad (Dimitriades), Stone (Walton) and…some girl jump away from the camera towards the ocean and the mountains, and it does a FREEZE FRAME.

Movie of the year.

Well, last year, anyway.

A terrifying look at the obscure tenth season of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon.

Why do turtles / suddenly appear / every time...

Today we’re going to check out the first two episodes of the mysterious Season Ten of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Not the “modernized” version with the ludicrously long headbands, no pupils and stupid comic book wipes – I’m talking about the original series here, with the ever-burbling Krang, Bebop and Rocksteady, and Irma, Irma, IRMA.

Except of course, being Season Ten, the last season of TMNT, the whole series had undergone drastic changes by this time and none of those characters are in the show. “What about Shredder?” I hear you cry? Well, despite the butchered version of the theme song (wait for the falsetto!) insisting that the “evil Shredder attacks”, you can forget it.

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To celebrate the new year, the Rubber Chicken’s three Australian head writers arranged a rare face-to-face meeting.  Below is a sample of a typical day with us sharing a state.

HappyBob: Rise and shine!

Aussie Ben: (in bed, burying head under pillow) I don’t want to go to school, Mum!

Canned laughter.

HappyBob: (jumping up and down, clapping loudly) It’s 6am and we have another fun-filled day of site work ahead!

Canned laughter.

Ben: Can’t Bungholio do it? Where is he, anyway?

Bungholio bursts through door to deliver his catchphrase.

Bungholio: Has anyone seen my PANTS?

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