The Chicken Feed

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In light of recent news, let us set aside our silly podcasts and Ninja Turtle appraisal and take a moment to celebrate the human spirit.  Let’s not delude ourselves with nihilistic doomsday predictions, humanity: we are pretty darn-tootin’ great.

And for only $10.99, this greatness can be yours to cherish forever! From the Earth to the Moon, Tom Hanks’ brilliant 12-part love letter to the Apollo missions, is now sickeningly cheap on Amazon.com. If you’ve ever found yourself staring wistfully at the full moon, marvelling, as the honking drivers behind you shout “GREEN LIGHT, MORON”, that our little species could get so far, you owe it to yourself to watch this uplifting, heartbreaking and occasionally hilarious series.  My friends assure me it is officially on the list of Pop-Culture Moments In Which A Grown Man Is Permitted To Cry, right between The Time Traveller’s Wife and the ending of Terminator 2.

We now return to our regularly scheduled discussion topic: donatello from tmnt or the professor from honey i shrunk the kids who is the better mechanic??? Please leave your replies below.

Neil, Buzz, Michael, if any of you choose to celebrate your accomplishment with a quiet night indoors reading an obscure Australian/Canadian comedy page: we salute you.



In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?
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In this bonus episode: another collection of outtakes tasteless even by our standards.

In the interests of public safety and social conscience, the audio recording described as “The Rubber Chicken Podisode #2″ carries the following content warnings:

HIMN: Horendous Improvised Musical Number
MS: Medium-level Movie Spoilers
BoP: Bag of Puppies
DAO: Strong Discrimination Against Orphans
SNH: Sir Nigel Haversmith
CAWE: Conversation About Wine and Ears
S-D: Mild Splicey-Dicey sequence that may be unsuitable for small children

This Podisode has been classified with a rating of RU (Reprehensible and Unreleasable). If you believe this rating to be in error, an appeal can be submitted in writing to forums.thatchickensite.com.

Compiled by Tim Morrison

Directly Download MP3
(And, if you dare, the Offensive Song deemed too offensive for this compilation of too-offensive material.)

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The sun. Giver of life. Melter of ice creams. An all-around top-notch ball of incandescent gas. Yet behind that orb of brightness dwells a past of darkness. Of all the alleged scientific “facts”, none satisfactorily explain its motivation. Neither you nor I would choose to burn hundreds of millions of tonnes of hydrogen each second without a good reason. Why would the average star bother?

Why, in the name of Mighty Odin, does the sun shine?

To uncover the truth, we turned to the only power greater than our mighty solar benefactor: celebrities.

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“Panda Three to Control – I’ve just spotted a silver hovercraft
being chased by an old crock at 90mph, and there’s a little tiny helicopter after ‘em both! I’m in pursuit! Over.”

Planet of the Spiders (Part Two)
Written by Robert Sloman & Barry Letts
Starring John Pertwee & Elisabeth Sladen
And introducing Stuart Fell as “Tramp Under Hovercraft”

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Who.... could it be?  Believe it or not, it's just meeeee...

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that NOBODY ON EARTH remembers who the hell the Street Sharks were. For that, the world is a greater place. But, in order to create a bit of chaos, I’m going to torture inform you about this brilliant, yet extremely short-lived franchise. Let me warn you right now that this one’s going to be very picture heavy, as it covers the three-part pilot, and I’m already going to have to split the first episode into two parts. But oh my, it’ll be worth it.

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Historical Afterthoughts

Posted on August 7th, 2004 by Andrey Summers

“Uh, let there be light, I guess.”

“Wait, wait, cut.”
“What is it, George?”
“I was just thinking…maybe we should set Star Wars in space?”

“Yeah, okay I guess we’d better leave Poland. No, actually, wait, nevermind.”

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