The Chicken Feed

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A dramatic and COMPLETELY TRUE 5-minute re-enactment of the day ThatChickenSite.com died.

Written by
Tim Morrison and Andrey Summers

Produced by
Alastair Craig

Also Starring
Michael Cope, Fiona Revill and Alastair’s Mum

Directly Download MP3

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*NSYNC Hotline – PC Game Review

Posted on January 27th, 2006 by Alastair Craig

Few bands (some would say none at all) have made as big a contribution to the music scene as Popular Musical Group *NSYNC. With a distinguished song library spanning Everybody (Backstreet’s Back), Like a Rolling Stone and the theme from Murder, She Wrote, the group is nothing short of a heaven-sent treasure to the undeserving mortal realm.

Unfortuantely, this burdens any *NSYNC merchandise with a lot to live up to. Can this tie-in PC game, with its promises of “five funny games”, “EXCLUSVIE! voice and video clips” and the chance to “learn the secrets of the boys”, do justice to the *NSYNC legacy? As a member of the twentysomething male target demographic, I vowed to find out. Continue Reading »



Dear Formless Underlord,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and we’ve gotten pretty “close” in the “bedroom”, but we never seem to be able to go all the way. I’m his first girlfriend, and I know he’s very attracted to me…so what do I do to finally fire things up??

Lindsay

Hail Mortal Lindsay.

Do not concern yourself with “firing things up” during your worthless affairs of the flesh. All will be consumed by the black flame of the Crimson Kingdom in the course of the eternal star-scape. If you desire the fleeting communal pleasure that your Other refuses to grant, you may drive a dagger into his heart during the Rite of Baphomet, and this symbolic emasculation, as you enter him with your own deadly phallic symbol will banish his self-consciousness forever into the lightless ether. His body is yours.

Continue Reading »



Guest Crap Comic: The Darkening

Posted on September 27th, 2005 by Mister Bung

I like how the gag is so obvious it’s like a punch RIGHT IN THE FACE!



Alastair: When I announce, as I often do, that I have met the Andrey Summers, the usual reaction is disbelief. “Surely not the distinguished actor who graduated from the University of East Anglia to land a supporting role in the Indiana Jones films, later playing the fat professor in the first two seasons of Sliders, and recently starring as Gimli and Treebeard in the blockbuster Lord of the Rings trilogy?” my audience would ask, to which I’d reply “no, that’s John Rhys-Davies.”

Hair? Eyes? Distinguishing facial features? I can confirm that Andrey does, in fact, have all of these. But the most distinguishing feature on Andrey’s face would have to have been that large piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth. I probably should have told him about that before I left. (Joke © Aussie Ben, 2004)

What follows is our long-awaited account of that fruity and fruitful meeting between myself and Andrey, and vice versa. And only nine months after the fact – honestly, we spoil you.

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Guest review by Andrew Sumner.
WARNING: contains more spoilers than a garage of riced-out pimp-rockets.

I have a friend named Dan who works at the Rialto Cineplex in downtown White Rock. Frequently, the entire theatre (all 24 screens, no less) is leased out by corporations who want to cordon it off for some kind of function, or other. Last Friday, I got a frantic call from him saying that I should get down there right away, and that I would not regret it. Little did I know that Dan would be sneaking me into a private showing of Star Wars 3!!!


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Extracts From My LiveJournal

Posted on November 17th, 2004 by Alastair Craig

I. The Blackest of Nights
My mascara; my blood
Running down my face
As the blade of popularity
Falls gently into the Abyss
As I scream at the Heavens
“Why must you torment me so?
…Why, Mother, why?
…Did you have to ground me
on the week of the Linkin Park concert?”

II. The Death of Freedom
Oh! Society
Like an injured bee
It buzzes… buzzes…
Then stops.
And misunderstands me.

III. Happy Sunshine Flowers
As I think noose-shaped thoughts
Like an elongated serpent of misery
All the kittens laugh
Blood, blood, my bittersweet blood
Drunk from the wineglass of oppression
As I apply my eyeliner
Deeply.
Gently.
R.
I.
P.

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Who.... could it be?  Believe it or not, it's just meeeee...

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that NOBODY ON EARTH remembers who the hell the Street Sharks were. For that, the world is a greater place. But, in order to create a bit of chaos, I’m going to torture inform you about this brilliant, yet extremely short-lived franchise. Let me warn you right now that this one’s going to be very picture heavy, as it covers the three-part pilot, and I’m already going to have to split the first episode into two parts. But oh my, it’ll be worth it.

Continue Reading »



Get Carter: TMNT Season 10, Continued

Posted on September 5th, 2004 by Ben K

Part two of Get Carter, Ben’s expose on the little-seen tenth season of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series.

Thought you’d seen the last of Season Ten and its horrible gaping plot holes, continuity errors and general rape of the series? It’s not over yet! And no, there’s still no sign of Shredder OR Krang. Here’s a pearl of Krang wisdom to tide you over.

“Next time I want to take over the world, I’m teaming up with an accountant.”

It’s like a shot of Morphine, isn’t it?

Back at Dregg’s spaceship, hillariously titled ‘The Dreggnought’, we see Dregg explaining his latest evil plot to Mung – although, let’s face it, he’s really explaining it to the audience that hasn’t already left. First off, Dregg quickly covers up that his last plan was a failure with this brilliant adlib:

Continue Reading »