In recent weeks, I’ve had the absolute pleasure of playing a supporting role in The Vine: Donkey Kong Audio Programme. I must insist you have the absolute pleasure of listening to it.
Not into video games? That’s okay, neither are the hosts. Think of it as the legitimate front for crude but classy conversational comedy. It’s a mammoth production, a huge labour of love, and brimming with the warmly familiar, silky-smooth voices of Rubber Chicken alumni.
Be warned: Emmy-winnng hosts Chad and Hyle are not the most tactful gentlemen, and tend to use masturbation jokes as punctuation. You’ll hate yourself for laughing, but oh, you will laugh.
Salutations, and it’s nice to meet all of you. I’m Hyle Russell, white supremacist, and I’m going to take you on a journey through the mind’s soul, where terrible poetry is the in-flight meal. How do you feel about Virtual Boy? If you don’t like Virtual Boy, then I’m afraid we can never wed (and your biological clock is ticking, woman!).
Nintendo’s Virtual Boy is perhaps the most unappreciated video game system of all time. Most of the people who criticize it have never played it, and only do so because of ignorant gaming critics, and they only hate it because they never gave it a chance to begin with.
All of the ridiculous rumors that go along with it, like the system causing you to go blind, are false. (The system provides an Automatic Pause feature that give your eyes a rest.) Plus, there were several highly addictive and fun games that were released in the system’s short lifespan, the top of the heap being Galactic Pinball and Virtual Boy Wario Land.
Us Virtual Boy defenders are a select few, and I figured the most eloquent way of expressing my admiration for the red and black friend is to write fifteen Haikus (what else?) set during the time of its American release. Affectionately, I’ve dubbed these “Virtuaikus.”
Now sit back and pretend it’s August 1995 all over again…
In recent weeks, I’ve had the absolute pleasure of playing a supporting role in The Vine: Donkey Kong Audio Programme. I must insist you have the absolute pleasure of listening to it.
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Linda’s so sexy. Her legs are really thick and grow right out of her neck.
