The Chicken Feed

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Movie: Chris Cares

Posted on September 15th, 2005 by Chris Shadforth

What terrifies a university student above all else? If you answered “exams”, “tuition fees” or “an uncertain future”, I can only ask what you thought to gain in giving sincere, vocal replies to a clearly tongue-in-cheek rhetorical question from a writer who clearly can’t hear you. The misleadingly introduced answer is, of course, “student elections”.

The concept of a student union is all well and good, but it’s hard to appreciate the big picture when you’re getting pamphlets shoved in your face at every turn.  Both competing parties subscribe to the same mind-numbing bombardment techniques that have worked so well in the past (see: internet advertising).  Where they’re trying to encourage voters, this assault on the senses only serves to drive them away.

To make our thoughts known, we launched our own flyer campaign targeted exclusively at flyer distributors themselves.

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The latest bombshell in the alarming trend of inventing alarming trends and complaining about them, then updating about them with a self-referential joke about the alarming trend of inventing alarming trends, is here. And by “here”, I mean the link after this paragraph, which as I type is rendering the word “here” increasingly irrelevant by drawing the link in question away from the close-to-immediate proximity “here” suggests.

Can I start this again? No? Then read on, fair reader, to discover Why Bus Drivers Should Stop Wearing Reindeer Antlers On Their Heads. It will blow your mind, damaging valuable brain cells and making your left arm twitch involuntarily.

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A recap of the Arctic White Campaign, The Rubber Chicken’s month-long crusade to rig a breakfast cereal election.

As you are no doubt aware, the Australian division of Kellogg’s Cereal let us, Froot Loop eating public, choose the new colour to join the green, orange, red and yellow we all know and love. Always the equal opportunity campaigners, we began a movement to elect the least likely candidate: Arctic White.  For every day of the last month, The Rubber Chicken’s readers and writers have been casting multiple votes for this wonderfully mundane colour hundreds of times over.

Sadly, but not surprisingly, Kellogg’s couldn’t handle the results.  Today, the false glory is heaped upon Sky Blue.

With this outright robbery of our democratic rights, our dreams are shattered.  Shattered like glass. Glass under an elephant’s foot. The foot of the elephant of manipulative multinational cereal companies. An elephant which has eaten peanuts. The peanuts of rigged election results. Grown in a peanut farm of LIES!

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