Way back in prehistoric 2005, five of us gathered in Brisbane and had a great deal of fun filming a surreal mockumentary sketch show. Hours of footage were flown back to Western Australia, compiled into the Greatest Trailer That Ever Trailed, then stashed in the director’s bottom drawer, where they presumably remain to this day.
Lo! With the recent chance discovery of a long lost test reel and some painstaking restoration work in Windows Movie Maker, this magnum opus can finally take its rightful place as the literal Citizen Kane of movies.
When I recently left a lucrative supermarket job to pursue my Starving Writer phase, I couldn’t help feel survivor’s guilt. I fled with my soul intact, but how could I lend moral support to those left behind?
Then there was the question of my legacy. What would my loving contribution mean to Coles Supermarkets Australia Pty Ltd ten years from now? I had to leave behind a message for the ages.
Also, the staff room really needed some coffee mugs.
There they remain to this day; silent sentinels to the stars.
Tim Morrison and Andrey Summers
Michael Cope, Fiona Revill and Alastair’s Mum
That Web Store That Ripped Us Off When We Tried To Buy Brett A Microphone (TWSTRUOWWTTBBAM) is a Western Australia-based store specialising in electronics and computer gear, from whom The Rubber Chicken attempted to purchase a Logitech USB Desktop Microphone, and who took the money and absconded with it for a month before returning it on request.
Here we are in Paris, France, enjoying ourselves at the expense of what we at ThatChickenSite.com naively consider your entertainment. (This chicken, purchased in Barcelona, Spain, represents everyone else’s motivation, which always leaves when I do. It’s an awkward metaphor, yes. Let’s not dwell.)
Upon returning, it’s time for a long-overdue all-star action makeover. TRC has transformed considerably under this design’s iron dictatorship, virtually into an entirely new site twice over. The time has come, the walrus said, to catch the fuck up already.
That means stripping the operation down to its pasty white foundations: silly movies, the nitpicking of obscure early 90s cartoons, and anything else that maintains the sense of fun that has made this site such a joy to work on (when we could be bothered), over the last seven years. Anything not serving the Prime Directive will be unceremoniously swept under the couch or tweaked with enough reckless historical revisionism to give George Lucas violent convulsions.
The podcast shall bounce back for a second, more sketch show-y season. Shed no tears; we’ll try to space episodes more evenly between other material. The last few months of podcast-podcast-podcast was a necessary evil – a refreshing break from spelling and punctuation, and hopefully one you enjoyed. But it was just a phase. Like puberty, but with canoes in place of erections.
And did I mention regular updates?
Ha ha ha, no, I most certainly did not.
Remember way back at the beginning of the year where Ben and I flew over to Bob’s house to stay up late and braid each others hair and have pillow fights and talk about how boys are icky? Well, now it’s relevant so pay attention.
See, there was mischief and hijinx aplenty and the fantastic thing is, 90% of it was caught on tape!*
Of course, wrangling all of this brilliance is going to take time, so for now I give you a taste – a mere whiff – of its pure awesomeness.
But beware – if you are too close to your screen as it plays you may suffer whats known as ‘Awesomeitis’.
If you become afflicted with this condition medical experts advise going to somewhere with a lot of good looking people and strut.
If symptoms persist, you should get laid a lot.
So now, feast your dried out prune eyes on this visual magnifico chumps!
* The other 7% with the orphanage and live stock, as well as the 3% with the bees and the prominent political figure was mysteriously wiped from the tapes. No jail time for me this year!
Recently, my good friend Morgan with whom I attend the dubious educational conglomerate known as the University of British Columbia was denied entrance to their Film Program. I was utterly shocked by this jarring turn of events, until Morgan went and sent me the stringent requirements for admittance to this elite cadre of film-makers-in-training. I guess, despite being a brilliant film-maker himself, Morgan just isn’t cut out to be involved in the UBC program. If you’re curious as to why, or are considering applying yourself, dear reader, you need only scan down this page.
What terrifies a university student above all else? If you answered “exams”, “tuition fees” or “an uncertain future”, I can only ask what you thought to gain in giving sincere, vocal replies to a clearly tongue-in-cheek rhetorical question from a writer who clearly can’t hear you. The misleadingly introduced answer is, of course, “student elections”.
The concept of a student union is all well and good, but it’s hard to appreciate the big picture when you’re getting pamphlets shoved in your face at every turn. Both competing parties subscribe to the same mind-numbing bombardment techniques that have worked so well in the past (see: internet advertising). Where they’re trying to encourage voters, this assault on the senses only serves to drive them away.
To make our thoughts known, we launched our own flyer campaign targeted exclusively at flyer distributors themselves.
A reader recipe by D.J Cat and Chooker
Alastair: Long-time reader and forum members D.J. Cat and Chooker have proven their devotion to The Rubber Chicken time and time again in a series of increasingly flattering and terrifying ways.
In this, their latest effort, they have achieved what we sceptics have long deemed impossible: summarised the entire website in pizza form. No longer must we settle for fleeting licks of the computer screen. If the haphazard miscellany of TRC had a definitive flavour, this is almost certainly it.
Gentlemen, we salute you! Without you, the world would be a much less interesting and much more comfortable place.