The Chicken Feed

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Weekly Workplace Rebellion

Posted on July 6th, 2005 by Alastair Craig

My former employers didn’t appreciate these anonymous contributions to the staff room.

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Firstly, it’s high time I acknowledged our Star Wars fan readership:

If any Rubber Chicken readers…
Actually, if I may digress for a moment (ignoring that this update is essentially one embarassingly large digression – but I digress) we really need a proper name for Rubber Chicken fans. “Achickenados” has a certain awkward charm. If you have any better suggestions, please get in touch.
Now if I’d kindly stop interrupting…

If any of you tentatively-titled achickenados live in Brisbane, Australia, you can find me queuing up for Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith at the Queen Street Mall Regent Cinemas from late tomorrow afternoon until midnight. I’ll be the bloodied corpse in the gutter, bludgeoned to death by plastic lightsabres, wearing the traditional home-made “Jar Jar Binks Sombrero” costume.

It’s been lovely knowing you all.

Alastair: When I announce, as I often do, that I have met the Andrey Summers, the usual reaction is disbelief. “Surely not the distinguished actor who graduated from the University of East Anglia to land a supporting role in the Indiana Jones films, later playing the fat professor in the first two seasons of Sliders, and recently starring as Gimli and Treebeard in the blockbuster Lord of the Rings trilogy?” my audience would ask, to which I’d reply “no, that’s John Rhys-Davies.”

Hair? Eyes? Distinguishing facial features? I can confirm that Andrey does, in fact, have all of these. But the most distinguishing feature on Andrey’s face would have to have been that large piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth. I probably should have told him about that before I left. (Joke © Aussie Ben, 2004)

What follows is our long-awaited account of that fruity and fruitful meeting between myself and Andrey, and vice versa. And only nine months after the fact – honestly, we spoil you.

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Sit back, relax and endure The Rubber Chicken’s tedious slideshow of their day trip to The Poor Man’s Hollywood.

In Brisbane, Australia, EVERY moment is a Kodak Moment™!  Here is interstate tourist Ben (right) posing with a sign with a rude word on it!
Yes, the fun never stops in Brisbane, Australia!

But not even that could take away the wonder of…

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I’m So Sick: Adventures in Delirium

Posted on October 31st, 2003 by Chad McCanna

I’m not sure if any of you have ever been sick, but when you are like I am right now, oftentimes you will become mentally handicapped, and it’s one of the most terrifying experiences you can ever have. I went to sleep last night around 9:30 PM, seven hours earlier than usual. I had been dreaming of Pee Wee Herman’s playhouse, but it kept getting hotter and hotter. Eventually, Cowboy Curtis caught on fire, and Chairy caught on fire, and that genis head in the box caught on fire and Pee Wee started running around and I started screaming. I sat down in Chairy, but she was on fire, and I caught on fire too.

I awoke with a start, sweating, terrified, and six feet off the ground. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, left foot, and head. Something was definitely not good, and I was going to get to th— Six feet off the ground? What?!? I looked down, flopped around in sheer panic, and eventually came to the conclusion that I was in the top bunk bed, the same place I’ve been sleeping the last three months. My roommate was noisily watching TV, and I stared at the side of his head intently for about thirty seconds. He thought he was so great. I could watch TV too, but I decided against it because, after all, I was very high off the ground.

“Alchemy is… do you want gold?” I asked.
“I can make you gold out of lead, because I am an alchemist. If you want gold out of straw or water I can make straw gold and water gold.”

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Dun’ be ridick-oo-lous.

Posted on September 10th, 2003 by Chad McCanna

Well, I’m a college-type person now, living the college life. So you know what that means… DORM ROOM PRANKS!!! Ahem. This first one came to me as I walked down the hall to lunch one day and saw that a girl had posted a desparate lovenote on one of my neighbor’s doors. I had to join the fun, you know.

And because I love you all so much, it’s a paramecium in a necktie!

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