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We at The Rubber Chicken have long considered the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon a few edits and a laugh track away from being the perfect sitcom.  Even the voice actors openly recognise villains Krang and Shredder as the classic bickering married couple.  Now if only somebody would get rid of those pesky turtles, we could finally enjoy TMNT as the romantic adventure-comedy it was clearly destined to be.

We have the technology.

If you enjoyed this video, be sure to check out some of our previous TMNT posts, including an illustrated tribute to Krang, the Turtles’ victory over Global Warming, or a warts-and-all look at their scandallous private lives.

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In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?
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What happens when you remove the first person to clap in a theatre? This comprehensive, 2.5 minute exercise in sadistic sociology aims to find out.

Starring
Fiona Revill and Andrey Summers
with additional voices and sound creation by Alastair’s Family™.

Written, compiled and scored by Alastair Craig.

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Subscribe to TRC Podcast to stay up-to-date with new shows.
iTunes / Google Reader / myAOL / My Yahoo / Bloglines.

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Perry’s Picnic

Posted on June 28th, 2008 by Fiona Revill

Andrey: TRC’s readership is many things. One of those things is a viewership. And with that in mind, we present the first in a series of Televised Segments that you – the fans – Implicitly Demanded in the Wiki. Not only is this more evidence of how interactive, and mindful of our public we are, it’s also an embarrassing indication of our insufferable tendency to pander.

Most of all, however, it’s a highly amusing bit of collaboration with Local Celebrity Adam Pateman, whose standup comedy you can procure on YouTube, and let’s face it – probably should.

The next installment of Perry’s Picnic will be appearing as soon as you ingest this one, and if you like it, say so in the so-called Forums and we’ll see what we can do with regards to pandering some more. A higher-quality version of the vid is available on the YouTube page right under the abominably low viewer-count.



A ripping yarn of intrigue and international espionage, as told through the most trusted of narrative devices: the answering machine.

Written and performed by
Michael Cope and Andrey Summers
With the vocal talents of Fiona Revill

Music
“Terrorist” appears courtesy of The Terrordactyls

Episode compiled by Andrey Summers
Additional material and editing by Alastair Craig

Directly Download MP3

Subscribe to TRC Podcast to stay up-to-date with new shows.
iTunes / Google Reader / myAOL / My Yahoo / Bloglines.

Continue reading for lyrics, episode commentary and other compelling miscellany

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The recipe for a good episode of television is a tricky one to define, until by the purest chance, we happened across it on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season Four DVD. (Guess it had to be somewhere, right?) Now we have experienced the dizzying heights of octogenarian supervillains, environmentally aware turtles and scantily-clad April O’Neils, every other show has been exposed for the hollow sham it really is.

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If there’s one thing that can be said about The Rubber Chicken, then I guess logically this sentence is it.
Luckily, that’s not the case. In fact, the things that can be said about this uproarious, delightful little cyber-corner of information-super-whimsy are probably as numerous (if not more-so) as the site’s oddly diverse readership. And I do use the word “oddly” with calculated discretion, because despite the fact that we make jokes all the time about how we have no readers, the fact is that we do have them. We have quite an inventory, honestly.

This is due to the fact that TRC is unusually well-Googled. People type things into search-engines, scan down the list of results and routinely choose our site as the solution to whatever quandary it is that’s driven them to type key-words into a text-box.

Driven by curiosity, boredom and hubris, I decided this month to take a peek at the man behind the curtain (this is a Wizard of Oz metaphor, not me walking in on a guy showering), and leaf through our visitation statistics for April 2007. Herein, I came upon the full list of keywords typed into search-engines like Google that then resulted in people clicking on us.

Below are some of the highlights, and boy do they present a nightmarish cross-section of the kind of people YOU apparently are. Bear in mind, you filthy cadre of rat-like degenerates, that I am not making up these search results for a laugh. This is honestly what you people are looking for when you end up finding us. May God have mercy on you.

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The sun. Giver of life. Melter of ice creams. An all-around top-notch ball of incandescent gas. Yet behind that orb of brightness dwells a past of darkness. Of all the alleged scientific “facts”, none satisfactorily explain its motivation. Neither you nor I would choose to burn hundreds of millions of tonnes of hydrogen each second without a good reason. Why would the average star bother?

Why, in the name of Mighty Odin, does the sun shine?

To uncover the truth, we turned to the only power greater than our mighty solar benefactor: celebrities.

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The Candid Turtle: A TMNT Exposé

Posted on March 24th, 2006 by Andrey Summers

Oftentimes, we wonder: what aren’t they showing us on the television? When we see American troops marching triumphantly through some deserted part of Iraq that isn’t actually of strategic importance, where is the TRUTH being hidden?

No doubt you often think along the same lines when considering the 1990′s Ninja Turtles cartoon.

Well, fret no more, spawnlings. The truth is finally out.

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Fifty Dubious Compliments

Posted on March 8th, 2006 by Andrey Summers

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