The Chicken Feed

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Don’t Stop Believing!

Posted on August 14th, 2010 by Alastair Craig

When I recently left a lucrative supermarket job to pursue my Starving Writer phase, I couldn’t help feel survivor’s guilt.  I fled with my soul intact, but how could I lend moral support to those left behind?

Then there was the question of my legacy.  What would my loving contribution mean to Coles Supermarkets Australia Pty Ltd ten years from now?  I had to leave behind a message for the ages.

Also, the staff room really needed some coffee mugs.


Communal diseases are a small price to pay for the POWER of BELIEF.

There they remain to this day; silent sentinels to the stars.


Dear Formless Underlord,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and we’ve gotten pretty “close” in the “bedroom”, but we never seem to be able to go all the way. I’m his first girlfriend, and I know he’s very attracted to me…so what do I do to finally fire things up??


Hail Mortal Lindsay.

Do not concern yourself with “firing things up” during your worthless affairs of the flesh. All will be consumed by the black flame of the Crimson Kingdom in the course of the eternal star-scape. If you desire the fleeting communal pleasure that your Other refuses to grant, you may drive a dagger into his heart during the Rite of Baphomet, and this symbolic emasculation, as you enter him with your own deadly phallic symbol will banish his self-consciousness forever into the lightless ether. His body is yours.

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When I accused J.K. Rowling of promoting witchcraft with her Harry Potter series, little did I expect this could be perceived as an accusation that J.K. Rowling actually promoted witchcraft with her Harry Potter series.

Nor, when I encouraged Rubber Chicken readers to advertise the link on Harry Potter message boards, did I expect any hate mail.

The below email is one of literally hundreds sent to Ethel Roberts, the manifesto’s fictitious author.

Let’s hope we can sort out this little misunderstanding peacefully and professionally.

Special thanks go to the Forumites for their suggestions and feedback all the way through.  You all rock harder than a particularly rocky rock with a penchant for rock music and a strong mind to purchase “The Scorpian King” on DVD some day, maybe, if it’s on the cheap.

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Posted on February 26th, 2004 by Chad McCanna

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But don’t worry, everything in this plot can be predicted by a can of Pal.

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Movie Review: The Matrix Reloaded

Posted on October 17th, 2003 by Hyle Russell

When 1999′s The Matrix was released, it was heralded as the best new science fiction film since Star Wars. Indeed, when compared to the other big film that year, Star Wars Episode I: The Phanton Menace, The Matrix was funky fresh. So when the sequels were announced, many said that it would completely overshadow the original Star Wars Trilogy. The problem is, the Star Wars franchise didn’t get pathetically wretched until a new trilogy began, while The Matrix is already eating out of the toliet with its second movie, The Matrix Reloaded.

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