In the Celebrity Burning Question series, we contact as many celebrities or obscure parties as possible with one of life’s great questions. This edition: what do the birds and the bees really DO?
Ever since Jewel Akens sang “The Birds and the Bees” in the mid-1960s, we’ve all wondered what, exactly, the Birds and the Bees actually did. As the Bees and the Birds are quite clearly two different species, presumably with incompatible size and sexual behaviour, any intimate act would clearly be uncomfortable, if not impossible. No siree, this is a cover for something far more complex. We have vowed to solve this Burning Question the only way possible: by emailing assorted celebrities and entirely inappropriate parties.
We all love videogame developer Rare, right? Hey, yeah, man!
And we all love animals, eh? Can I get an amen? Whoo, brother!
So earlier this week I said to myself:
“Chad, you know, you really should get some hot redhead to go down on you.”
“Agreed, Chad,” I replied. “But how should we attract her mouth to the crotch region?”
“Simple, my friend!” said I. “You need to make photorealistic pictures depicting various scenes from Rare games!”
Of course! It’s all so obvious! I’ll make a picture of a gorilla riding a frog, and the females will flock to my member! So without further ado, I give you… Real Rare!
The following are actual papers written about insects and arachnids by a Year 7 Life Science class. They had two full class periods to work on these, and sadly, the results follow in their unabridged, pitiful reality. All the grammatical mistakes and misspellings are preserved for your enjoyment. To give you an indication of the general intelligence level of these children, the teacher told them that their titles should be catchy or creative. Well, one of these little scamps called their paper “Be Catchy or Creative!” My god.
Just a forewarning before you dive in: if you plan on reading all of these at once, please PLEASE be drunk first.
Instant messenger pranks from our carefree youth, immortalised online at the expense of an older, wise Mister Bung’s employment prospects and pride.
This has been laying around for quite some time now on my computer, and has been viewed by many a kinsfolk, all who grew warts the sizes of pumpkins- but I think that was just the water. But fear not, as any concerns you have can be directed towards myself or this seagull.
who are you
I am man who likes goats.
Do you like goats?