Written and compiled by Andrey Summers
Tonight on The James & Andrey Improvise Things Show:
Michael Carmichael, CEO of Carmichael Canned Goods, defends his controversial decision to market processed vegetables to the eternally damned by opening a portal into Hell.
Now with a tantalising trailer of terrifying events to come!
Compiled by Andrey Summers
Additional material and editing by Alastair Craig
Continue reading for episode commentary
As usually happens when HappyBob nips out to take the air, the website falls into what one might politely call a slumber. This time, however, having tasted the exhilirating zest of podcasting, Ben and I find ourselves feeling guilty.
Guilty, if you’ll believe it, about neglecting YOU. Yes, you, sole remaining reader/listener.
With this in mind, we’ve returned to the archaic medium of the written word, in order to do epic battle over which console is the spunkiest: PS3, or Nintendo Wii.
Oh you’d best be ready, son. You’d best be ready.
Alastair: This guest strip was kindly donated by Famous Political Cartoonist JJ McCullough from Filibuster Cartoons. He might not be familiar with the Crap Comic series’ story, author, art style, or even its basic concept, but I’m sure we can all agree he’s captured its essence perfectly. Thanks, JJ!
History’s Greatest Procrastinators
(Next week: History’s Greatest Masturbators)
A forward by Alastair “HappyBob” Craig, Editor of TheRubberChickeN64.
- In 1964, Brian Wilson began work on The Beach Boys’ would-be magnum opus: Smile. A direct answer to The Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, this classic album could have changed music history were it not aborted following a series of complications and a nervous breakdown from Wilson himself. The Next Big Thing in rock ‘n’ roll was reduced to a mildly interesting footnote in musical history… until now. In 2004, Brian confronted his demons and recorded the album from scratch, creating a wonderful, timeless masterpiece that was well worth the wait. Finally, his vision was complete.
- Throughout the 1990s, writer and comic mastermind Douglas Adams struggled to organise a film adaptation of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. “The Hollywood process,” he once remarked, “is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people come into the room and breathe on it”. Sadly, Adams passed away before he could see his pet project become a reality, with the movie showing few signs of progress… until now. In 2005, The Hitchhiker’s Guide finally saw completion in the capable hands of Garth Jennings, who created something arguably worthy of the late Adams’ memory.
- In 2000, Adam “The Phantom Spoon” Severgnini was bored on a bus trip to high school. To pass the time, he penned a review of Rare’s newly released Perfect Dark for TheRubberChickeN64, the newly-launched Nintendo review / silly animation hub we started together. He passed it to me on the assumption that I’d type it up that afternoon. Tragically, I forgot, and his notes sat ignored in the bottom of a box under my bed… until now.
Ladyfolk and gentlebeings, you are about to witness history itself unfolding. We are gathered here today for the WORLD PREMIERE of that famous unfinished masterpiece, five years late, but forever ageless in its beauty:
You may have noticed that Something Awf The Rubber Chicken’s poll has been closed down for nearly eight billion years, displaying the mysterious message “closed while we search for a poll service that hasn’t whored itself to pop-up adver-
Okay, the message is way too long, and is a lie anyway so I’m not going to bother trying to remember the rest of it. Instead, here’s the dirty and somewhat obvious truth: nobody’s been searching for anything. In fact, the “administration” here (hahahahahahahahahahaha) has gladly forgotten all about its extinct poll the same way they cried their crocodile tears about September 11th, and then partnered with Halliburton during the privatization of Iraq. You’re probably wondering where Chad is. Well, he’s in an oil derrick outside Fellujah (Microsoft Word Dictionary: “Elijah?”).
Guest review by Andrew Sumner.
WARNING: contains more spoilers than a garage of riced-out pimp-rockets.
I have a friend named Dan who works at the Rialto Cineplex in downtown White Rock. Frequently, the entire theatre (all 24 screens, no less) is leased out by corporations who want to cordon it off for some kind of function, or other. Last Friday, I got a frantic call from him saying that I should get down there right away, and that I would not regret it. Little did I know that Dan would be sneaking me into a private showing of Star Wars 3!!!
As many of you know, several key members of The Rubber Chicken have past affiliations with the fan community of videogame developers Rare. Somewhere along the way, our former websites fell into rivalry with the kids at Rare-Extreme.com. But today, my friends… today we concede defeat.
Rare-Extreme recently obtained the impossible: a guided tour of Rare HQ itself, and posted a fascinating, well-written talisman of fine journalism on this incredible once-in-a-lifetime experience. To show there are no longer any hard feelings between us, and to make up for any past bitterness, we offer the following reconciliatory plug their fine website. Check it out now, y’all.
The exclusive leaked script for George Lucas’s upcoming 2005 return to his student film roots.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….
A VERY BIG EXPLOSION
After three years of combat, the treacherous CLONE WARS have finally come to an end. Anakin Skywalker, young padawan of General Obi-Wan Kenobi, has slain the villainous Count Dooku and become a full-fledged Jedi Knight. During the height of combat, Anakin managed to impregnate his wife Padme Amidala through a BROKEN CONDOM. On the cusp of childbirth, C-3P0 and Senator Jar Jar Binks have rushed the bride of Skywalker to Coruscant General Hospital where she’s nearing the end of her exhaustive labor….
When 1999′s The Matrix was released, it was heralded as the best new science fiction film since Star Wars. Indeed, when compared to the other big film that year, Star Wars Episode I: The Phanton Menace, The Matrix was funky fresh. So when the sequels were announced, many said that it would completely overshadow the original Star Wars Trilogy. The problem is, the Star Wars franchise didn’t get pathetically wretched until a new trilogy began, while The Matrix is already eating out of the toliet with its second movie, The Matrix Reloaded.