The Chicken Feed

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In The Rubber Chicken’s Burning Question series, we have successfully solved some of life’s greatest mysteries by asking every celebrity or inappropriate party we could find.  What is The Grimace? What do the birds and the bees do? How do you get to Sesame Street? Why does the sun shine? (The answers, in order: 1. Cloned Mutant Beetroot / 2. They Make Toast / 3.  A Global Network of Mario-Style Warp Pipes / 4. It’s Complicated.)

Isn’t it about time we applied this research technique to the Greater Good?  What if, instead of drawing upon pop-culture or lightweight philosophy, we turned to cold, hard science?

In my daily search for risqué Last Starfighter fan fiction, I accidentally stumbled upon an astronomy blog and learned a startling fact:
90% of the universe’s mass remains unaccounted for.

Today, we pitch the following question to our guests:
Where is the universe’s missing mass?

Well, Television’s Michelle Rodriguez?
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Introducing the Celebrity Burning Question series, in which we contact every celebrity who will care to listen with one of life’s great questions. This edition: Just what IS the McDonald’s mascot “Grimace”?

Ben is a man with a mission: to solve one of life’s biggest questions. Namely, “Just what the heck is Grimace from McDonalds?
How, you ask? The only logical way: by emailing as many celebrities, internet personalities and complete strangers as possible. Can the combined expertise of Cousin Oliver, Seinfeld’s “Kramer” and other prominent Earth personalities add up to a conclusive answer to this enigmatic riddle of a conundrum of a puzzle-like problem?

Just a few of the experts we contacted:
Confound it Robin, the batteries are dead!

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Wheresmegherkin: The Story So Far

Posted on October 30th, 2002 by Alastair Craig

Most popular bands sport an interesting story behind their name. Luckily, wheresmegerkin? never gained popularity. The band’s original lineup needs no introduction (but will nonetheless get one): Hannah Craig, vocalist, chronic pyromaniac and former bassist (following a court order to be kept away from all flammable objects), Louise Alipaté, drummer, pianist and self-declared Tina Turner Karaoke Queen, and guitarist Alastair Craig, who writes erotic Star Wars fan-fiction.

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