The Chicken Feed

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Proton pack is strapped.
Busting makes me feel good like
’80s Sig Weaver.

A Formal Apology on behalf of Aussie Ben to Uri Geller and the cast of “Bikini Party Summer”:
The internet needed more Irma.

It’s okay. You can unshield your eyes now. “Cadbury Creme Fantasies” was an incredibly subtle and elaborate joke.

We originally hoped to have it up on April Fools Day. Obviously, it wasn’t. Or perhaps it was, and the results were so horrifying our minds suppressed the very memory of the chocolate-coated trauma. Time (plus years of therapy and countless nights of waking up at 3am in a cold sweat) will tell.

Special thanks to TRC newcomer “Chris” for the idea and spectacular anti-erotic modelling work, and to “Rachelle” for also sacrificing her dignity (if quite enthusiastically) for shallow internet fame.

It’s back to business as usual, then! Watch this space:.


Well? Are you watching it?

Related Links:

Alastair: In 2004, legal issues brought Paris Hilton’s potential hit song “Screwed” to a halt. It seems fellow aspiring teen idol Haylie “Sister Of Hillary” Duff had already recorded the song the year before, and therefore owned the rights to the performance.

While we cynics can be thankful, please spare a thought for those legitimately interested in hearing Hilton’s vocal talents. It is for their benefit that we arranged this compromise – a faithful cover of the song from our own, equally talented musician, Glancy.

Paris Hilton – Screwed.MP3

“My cowriter Kara and I had never imagined that our little pop song could sound so… well….. unique!
Definitely a braver rendering than any pop diva could give. Bravo, Glancy.”

-Greg Wells, Grammy-nominated writer/producer and co-writer of “Screwed”, TRC Mailbag

Terms & Conditions

  • The Rubber Chicken will not accept responsibility for readers accidentally circulating this MP3 on file-sharing networks, where it might accidentally be mistaken for the real song.  Though we wholeheartedly encourage it.  Not sure why we were trying to be subtle with those italics there.
  • The Rubber Chicken does not condone, under any circumstances, actually listening to the above MP3.  Not even kidding here.

For entertainment easier on the ears, check out The Rubber Chicken’s Excellent Podcast.

If you haven’t read Chad’s Insecks and Urachnids, a collection of honest-to-god Year 7 reports on the wonderful world of Life Science, then you’ll still have a glimmer of optimism for the next generation.  Allow me to put those hopes to rest.

The following short story was submitted by a Year 12 English student, soon to graduate unopposed into adult society.   The Rubber Chicken claims no responsibility for any attempt at storytelling beyond this point.  Fans of the English language are advised to stop reading now, as this text is 90% adverb, and it may disturb you to see something you hold so dearly hurt so badly.

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Embarrassing Prank Call Archive

Posted on January 29th, 2004 by Alastair Craig

Because you (literally, one of you) asked for it: a collection of The Rubber Chicken’s early prank calls we’d much rather keep burried. Be warned: these are of low fidelity and even lower comedy value. Our sincerest apologies.

Editor’s Note: If you prefer genuine comedy over having your ears and intelligence savagely defiled, why not try The Rubber Chicken Podcast, our snappy quasi-sci-fi sketch comedy series?

Insecks & Urachnids

Posted on August 13th, 2003 by Chad McCanna

The following are actual papers written about insects and arachnids by a Year 7 Life Science class. They had two full class periods to work on these, and sadly, the results follow in their unabridged, pitiful reality. All the grammatical mistakes and misspellings are preserved for your enjoyment. To give you an indication of the general intelligence level of these children, the teacher told them that their titles should be catchy or creative. Well, one of these little scamps called their paper “Be Catchy or Creative!” My god.

Just a forewarning before you dive in: if you plan on reading all of these at once, please PLEASE be drunk first.

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