A reader recipe by D.J Cat and Chooker
Alastair: Long-time reader and forum members D.J. Cat and Chooker have proven their devotion to The Rubber Chicken time and time again in a series of increasingly flattering and terrifying ways.
In this, their latest effort, they have achieved what we sceptics have long deemed impossible: summarised the entire website in pizza form. No longer must we settle for fleeting licks of the computer screen. If the haphazard miscellany of TRC had a definitive flavour, this is almost certainly it.
Gentlemen, we salute you! Without you, the world would be a much less interesting and much more comfortable place.
Pizza Base – We use “Quatros” but other brands will probably do fine. If you are skilled, and make your own bases that is better.
Chips – We use McCain Superfries but most others would probably pass. as well as long as their cooking time is around 10 – 15 minutes.
Salami – Not shaved or thin salami but the stuff you have to cut up – See photo below.
Baked beans – Not if you are eating the pizza by yourself.
Taco Sauce – The hotter the better
Herbs and Spices
Oragano Leaves (optional)
Get the Pizza Base out of the freezer. I suggest only getting it out as you are about to do it, rather than hours before. It’s cooler that way (haha!)
Now get the tray out of the oven, and then turn the oven on to about 200 Celcius.
Get your other ingredients ready.
Cut the Pizza into 8 even slices. It is better to cut it now rather than after it is out of the oven because then you don’t have to waste valuable time and heat. Now, onto the baseline.
A good baseline can really go a long way. As Jack White did with Seven Nation Army, the goal here is a legendary bas[s/e] that will be remembered and leave you wanting more.
Add a good deal of BBQ sauce, some chili sauce, and a touch of taco sauce.
Put on the mixed herbs and Cajun seasoning. Sprinkle on some general pepper.
Now get out as many pieces of garlic as you are comfortable with. (We use 30 and cut them up properly. This invlolves taking the crap of the outsides and cutting off each end. Then dice it into as many pieces as you can. Now according to this bloke…
…you can also crush the garlic by putting in some salt and using a fork. Do that if you like.)
Chuck the garlic on the Pizza.
Now put on the Salami. Cut about 8 slices and then cut them 8 into quaters like so:
Now it is time to cook the Baked Beans.
Empty them into a saucepan. Cook them as usual.
Add some curry powder and mix it in well.
As soon as it starts to bubble, put them onto the Pizza.
(Note the handle facing away for safety reasons. Are YOU responsible…?)
(Make sure to “cancel out” some of the baked beans taste. Do this by putting in a good chunk of Mixed Herbs and Organo leaves and some chili sauce).
Cut up the Ham Steak and Chips into small bits. Spread them evenly about the Pizza. Put bits of BBQ sauce onto each chip. This will sort of go into the chip as it cooks.
Also put on about half your Cabana, which you should cut into halfs (look on the photo for reference)
Add cheese. Draw appropriaate logo with BBQ sauce.
(To make your cleaning easier, don’t leave any cheese on the pan.)
Add leftover ingredients. Put some pineapple on.
Go nuts (within reason… put your pants back on and put that vegemite away) with the mixed herbs and Pizza Topper.
Your Pizza is now ready to cook!
Leave in the oven for 11-14 minutes. The shorter time period the better.
If it is a little undercooked, you can reheat it, but once it’s overdone its overdone.
The worst thing that can happen is a overdone base. You don’t want to have done all that 50 minutes of preparing for a dodgy result.
If you have a skilled microwave, put it in the microwave for a minue or so before cooking. We always do because it lacks some temperature when we get it out of the oven (probably the overdoingness of the ingredients).
Anyway, you should see something like this when you get it out of the oven:
It is now time to eat!
Thanks again to D.J. Cat and Chooker for their horrifying devotion.
Was the TRC pizza all you hoped and dreamed it would be? Do you have your own recipe for madness? Share the love!