If you haven’t read Chad’s Insecks and Urachnids, a collection of honest-to-god Year 7 reports on the wonderful world of Life Science, then you’ll still have a glimmer of optimism for the next generation. Allow me to put those hopes to rest.
The following short story was submitted by a Year 12 English student, soon to graduate unopposed into adult society. The Rubber Chicken claims no responsibility for any attempt at storytelling beyond this point. Fans of the English language are advised to stop reading now, as this text is 90% adverb, and it may disturb you to see something you hold so dearly hurt so badly.
A story by ***** ******
“I wonder how many chicks we’re going to hook up with tonight”, Jackson light heartedly stated as he confidently strutted in through the doors with his mates. Bass from the music was pumping. Fluro lights shined dramatically. A haze filled the air from a smoke machine. The entire dance floor was covered from a mass of intoxicated teenagers. It was wild. Teens were acting crazy without a care in the world. It was of course… the first night of schoolies.
Editor’s Note: “Schoolies Week” is the traditional rite of passage for newly-graduated 17-year-old students Australia, the cultural complexities of which will no doubt be thoroughly explored in this narrative.
Jackson’s excitement was built up so highly on the first night of schoolies week. He hoped that he could finally get to meet someone that he considered to be “girlfriend material”. All through high school he avoided serious relationships with girls. He didn’t think it’d be worth it if he knew that she wasn’t the girl of his dreams. Many girls assumed that Jackson was just shallow or too picky. His mates sometimes thought he might have been on the “queer” side of things. Even his family used to nag him and there was always a constant “Why don’t you go find yourself a nice young lady, Jackson?” repeating in his ear. Strangely, he always convinced himself that schoolies week would be the best time to finally meet the girl he’s been waiting for… or so that’s what he thought. He was free to do what ever he wanted during the week of schoolies. Thousands of graduated Yr12′s gathered to Airlie Beach for the first party that kicked off schoolies week. Finding the perfect girl was Jackson’s mission for the unexpecting week and he wasn’t going to waste any time.
Fearlessly, they strutted their way through the inviting entrance of the under 17yr olds nightclub were Jackson and his three mates. Jackson referred to them as, Bazza, Lodger and Westy. The place is packed. It’s crazy. They couldn’t believe how massive this party was.
“This is it fellas, take your pick, there’s plenty of hot chicks to choose from. I’m going to get me a sexy one, and she better think I am too!” Bazza cheekily remarked as he made his way through the entrance.
“C’mon Bazza, we’re not here just for the girls. I hope none of them heard that. Have a little bit more respect for yourself and for these lovely ladies” Westy strongly advised.
“Oh for crying out loud! Respect? The only respect I’ll be giving to these ‘lovely ladies’ is when I get what I want from them.” Bazza ignorantly suggested as Lodger laughed in response to his cocky sense of humour.
“Oh Shut up Bazza! No girl would ever take a second look at you anyway.” Westy abruptly commented.
“I think you need a drink Westy. Will somebody get this little boy a drink… preferably alcoholic?” Bazza then laughed.
“Zip it the both of you! You’re going to repel any girl that comes over if you two keep bickering like little old women.” Jackson steps in. “Anyways, you two better not be like this for the whole week. I’m not going to let anyone spoil it. I just wish that I’ll finally get to meet someone”
Just as the boys were walking towards the dance floor, there she appeared. Jackson stopped and noticed a beautiful figure sitting at the bar all by her self. The whole place became still and silent. Somehow everyone disappeared from the over stuffed area of wild teens. All that was visible to Jackson was this astonishing girl right in front of him. Could it possibly be the girl that Jackson was holding out for his whole life?
“Guys! Check her out!” Jackson reported in excitement with a widely opened jaw.
All that was going through Jackson’s silly little head was this girl who he hadn’t even met before. He noticed how long and soft her blonde hair looked. Her trim and sexy tanned figure. Her long toned smooth legs. Her delicate movements as she took little sips from her drink. And not to forget, that hot tight red dress she was wearing exposing all that any guy would want to see. If only she could turn around from the bar so that Jackson could see her face. Her face was the only mystery that remained.
“Go on then Jacko, she’s waiting for ya” Bazza rudely suggested.
“Yeah, you better go pick her up before someone else does” Lodger humouresly stated.
“Wow she sure does have a killer damn fine body though!” Bazza then added.
“Wait a minute fellas, I can’t see her face… what if there’s something wrong with it?” Jackson hesitated.
“Jacko, You’re not that shallow… Oh wait maybe you are” Westy laughs.
The boys continue to laugh as an over casting shadow of concern came over Jackson. He began to worry about whether there was a reason for why he couldn’t see her face. All that was going through his mind now was a harsh and clear thought that this girl might not have been as flawless as she seemed. What if she had some kind of contagious disease? Or a rare case of fungi growing on her face? What if the appearance of her face explained why she was sitting all alone? All these questions filled Jackson’s head and there was only one way to answer them. All he had to do was walk over to her and introduce himself. Suddenly the calm and over confident young man had become a hesitant nervous wreck.
“Don’t be stupid Jackson. There’s a 50-50 chance that that girl sitting over there is absolutely flawless. We’re sick of hearing you’re shallow little ‘mission’, so get your butt moving and go talk to her” Westy encouragingly said.
Hesitantly, Jackson agreed and decided that he didn’t want to take the risk of not knowing who this girl was, regardless of how her face may have looked.
Dodging the crowd, Jackson slowly made his way over to the bar. His expression only suggested worry – and a great deal of it. He stood directly behind her and took a deep breath as his heart started to pump so hard it could’ve jumped straight out from his chest. This was it. He was finally going to meet the girl of his dreams. It’s just a pity his family couldn’t see this. They would at least hold off on the nagging then. Jackson then slowly reached towards her shoulder as his palms became sweaty and his hands started to shake uncontrollably. The amount of time it took for the tips of his fingers to connect to her shoulder blade seemed forever but it finally got there. She responded to his tapping.
“Hey there sexy. My name’s Jackson. How’s it going?” Jackson regretfully asked. She slowly turned around and looked straight into his eyes. Jackson’s expression of extreme worry suddenly had become an ultimate shock of his life.
Understandably her facial expressions were the same. They both gasped. Seeing her face was unbearable. It was something much worst than any disease or fungi growth. Jackson couldn’t believe he fell for his own older sister.
Alastair woke up and it was all a dream.
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